Ranking American Horror Story Seasons in Order

Before season 9 of the wildly popular FX series American Horror Story (titled 1984, because everything has to be set during the 80s now) premieres, here’s a ranking of the previous 8 Ahs seasons, from best to worst.

Contains spoilers, if you hadn’t figured that out.

Witches be trippin' at Hogwar-- um, Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies.

The strongest season from episodes 1 through 13, with not a weak nor extraneous episode in the bunch. It builds on what you’ve come to expect from the first 2 seasons, but with a bloody dose of gallows humor and not-so-subtle commentary on aging and female dynamics. From Jessica Lange’s bitchy Fiona to Emma Roberts’ super-bitchy Madison, Coven contains the Ahs’ most memorable group of characters. Coven even finds a way to incorporate Stevie Nicks, which can’t be all bad.

• Best Character: Kathy Bates’ Madame LaLaurie manages to make an unrepentant racist/murderer somewhat sympathetic near the end of her arc, even while you still hate her.
• Best Episode: #12 “Go To Hell”- The penultimate episode closes out all of the non-Coven characters in spectacular fashion, some of who you miss more than the actual coven members.

Guests check in, but they don't check out. Because they get killed. I guess that means the cleaning deposit is put to good use.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad Hotel
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad Hotel. Rah rah ah-ah-ah!
Ro mah ro-mah-mah
Gaga oh-la-la!
Want your bad Hotel

Contains some of the best scary sequences in all of Ahs (the infected kid attack, March madness) and one of its most empathetic (Matt Bomer and Kathy Bates’ rather fraught mother-son relationship). 3 years before A Star Is Born, Lady Gaga proves she can act as The Countess, a person you’d think Gaga could play in her sleep but is given more diverse character moments that you’d think Gaga capable of. A star is born indeed.

The season falters during the Alphabet Killer scenes (you guess the killer about 10 minutes in), but it’s easily forgivable.

• Best Character: A toss-up between Evan Peters’ mustachioed psycho James March and the Hotel Cortez itself. You know the cliché, “The Location is a character”? This applies in spades in regard to Hotel. The Cortez remains a place you’d want to visit once, and hope you get out alive.
• Best Episode: #4 “Devils Night” All your favorite serial killers converge for dinner at the Cortez. Bloody. Brilliant.

Intrepid reporter Lana Winters goes undercover at the notorious Briarcliff Asylum. Everybody thinks this is a good idea and that nothing will go wrong.

Ahs’ sophomore season had the best first 6 episodes of television back when it aired in 2012. Because everyone is afraid of asylums (if you’re not, you might belong in one). It had Nazis, Jessica Lange with a Boston accent, even aliens. Asylum would have been ranked much higher had it stuck the landing. The alien subplot was not handled well at all near the end, and neither was the denouement of the actual asylum. You almost forget Adam Levine and Jenna Dewan are in this and you’ll never hear The Name Game the same way.

• Best Character(s): Lana Winters is Sarah Paulson’s her best work throughout all 8 seasons. I genuinely felt bad for all the things Lana had to go though in Asylum, even if a good portion of them felt more than a little implausible. Shout out to James Cromwell’s (Babe) kinky Nazi doctor. That’ll do, Nazi. That’ll do.
• Best Episode: #5 “I Am Anne Frank Part 2”- The one where Bloody Face is revealed.

Because housing in California is so cheap, the Harmons head out west like the Beverly Hillbillies. This house is not clean.

You never forget your first time. From the twins in the basement, to Rubber Man, to the least happy gay couple ever, to Constance and her increasingly deranged progeny, Ahs’ inaugural season filled a hole (serial horror that pushed the boundaries of cable before streaming services eliminated them) and we haven’t looked back since. I remember back in 2011 when the school shooting episode caused all kinds of controversy and then we had an actual school shooting every week and fictional horror became a respite.

• Best character: Ben Harmon. The worst husband ever. I remember someone pointed out that if Ben had only kept it in his pants, then every season of Ahs wouldn’t have happened. Thanks?
• Best Episode: #11 “Birth”- The one where the twins are born. The season finale after this feels almost anticlimactic.

It's the end of the world is we know it

The most fan service-y season, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun. If you think about it, the first 2 episodes are actually the scariest. Apocalypse turns into camp once the witches show up, but what high camp it is. I can’t remember smiling so much during an Ahs season. A plot device taken from the 1999 movie Galaxy Quest is easily forgiven, as well as the meandering final 3 episodes because, well, the Coven (see the #1 season).

• Best Character: Mallory, almost by default, since she’s the only new character that really makes any impact.
• Best Episode: #6 “Return to Murder House”- Sarah Paulson’s directorial debut! The return of Jessica Lange! Violet and Tate! The Harmons! Madison has a heart! One of the most complete Ahs episodes ever and arguably one of its best.

If the group you belong to kills people to make a "statement", you may be in a cult. At least you get creepy cool masks.

The season without any supernatural elements, which really upset a lot of lightweights. Cult had its moments of greatness (the Anderson parents bedroom, the cult assaults), but what ultimately dooms it is the cult itself. None of the characters’ motivations feel real (Ivy’s in particular) and only serve as episode-stuffers. The episodes recounting history’s other famous cults feel like so much padding.

• Best character: Adina Porter’s Beverly Hope aka the world’s most biased newspaper reporter. She’s the most unhinged in a cast of mostly unstable characters.
• Best episode: #1 “Election Night”- The one that triggered everybody.

The centuries-long mystery of Roanoke is finally solved!!! Click here to find out more!!!

I don’t so much dislike this season as I don’t remember much of it so it clearly didn’t make an impression on me. I’ve had opportunities to watch it again, but have consciously chosen to watch other seasons, if that tells you anything. The reality TV concept for Roanoke was an enjoyable way to change things up from the usual format. Unfortunately, like reality TV it was just as forgettable. Nice redneck torture sequence, though.

• Best Character: Cheyenne Jackson’s Sidney James, a D-bag producer who gets what’s coming to him.
• Best Episode: #10 “Chapter 10”- Not so much because it nails the finale, but because it brings back Lana Winters.

A Florida freak show in 1951 is the setting for multiple murders. A clown goes on a rampage. This happens in Florida ever year.

The only season of Ahs that is truly bad. With a premise so ripe for terror, the season should have been a slam dunk. But on an episode-by-episode basis, Freakshow was maddeningly inconsistent. I only finished it because I wanted to see if it would get better. It didn’t. At least Freak Show sent off Jessica Lange memorably. Missed opportunities all around.

• Best Character: Twisty the Clown. It’s the only character worth remembering.
• Best Episode: Whichever episode showed that all seasons of Ahs are linked.

Feel free to leave your favorite seasons, episodes, characters etc. Be sure to vote.