Top 6 Insane Shark Horror Movies
I'll confess, ever since Jaws released, I've meticulously avoided the depths of the ocean waters. Yes, shark attacks are rare, don't usually end in death, and the creatures often only target abnormally-appealing humans. Ones flailing like a fish, wearing shiny jewelry, or bleeding for instance. Heck, vending machine deaths are more common than shark fatalities. Yet for some reason, I never worry about a rogue vending machine claiming my life when I enter its territory.
Nonetheless, not all shark movies feature simple bull sharks or great whites. Let's dive in and examine six completely bonkers shark films that prove these killers are masters of more than just the seas!
The Plot: A shark-scooping cyclone strikes Los Angeles as bar-owner Fin sets out to rescue his family.
Why It's Absurd: It's a tornado filled with sharks attacking people, and features battles between sharks and chainsaws. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
Is It Any Good? You've likely heard of this one. It's a horror comedy that isn't really "good" but earns some points for sheer absurdity. Multiple sequels exist if your shark-natural disaster tinglings aren't yet satisfied.
5. Avalanche Sharks
The Plot: Residents of the Twin Pines ski resort face disaster after an avalanche awakens several snow-dwelling sharks.
Why It's Absurd: The sharks travel through snow. Not water. Snow. Additionally, the ski resort happens to be having a "Bikini Snow Day."
Is It Any Good? Well, it has a 7% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The sole reviewer states it's "so bad it's actually painful to watch." So yep, you'll see some disasters in this film, but they ain't avalanches
The Plot: A shark-human hybrid terrorizes a town as a doctor struggles to prove its existence.
Why It's Absurd: Well, it's a shark-human combination with inrceased intelligence. It can also spontaneously change the length of its arms and legs to adapt to swimming or running.
Is It Any Good? Creature is actually a miniseries that runs for a total of 240 minutes. It has some interesting designs and ideas (the creature looks pretty cool), but you're sifting through lots of boring parts to find the rare action moments.
3. 3-Headed Shark Attack
The Plot: In the sequel to 2-Headed Shark Attack, a mutated great white with three heads devours the residents of an island research facility.
Why It's Absurd: Not only does this crazy fish have three heads, but it's basically a hydra: whenever one head is lost, three more spout in its place.
Is It Any Good? No. My goodness no. With some of the worst CGI you'll ever see and an ensemble of stale acting, best to let this one sink in its depths of obscurity. Then again, you can enjoy the hilarity of watching actors who are supposed to be accidentally falling into the water obviously throwing themselves at it.
2. Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf
The Plot: The third film of the Sharktopus franchise (who funds these things?) has Sharktopus back again to terroize the citizens of—does it really matter? This time, he's joined by fellow monster Whalewolf as the two combat each other and local residents.
Why It's Absurd: You'd reasonably expect Whalewolf to be a combination of a whale and a wolf, but he's actually a baseball player transformed using both animals' genes, and his behavior resembles that of a dog more than anything. Go figure. Sharktopus is a genuine animal hybrid; accept no substitute.
Is It Any Good? The CGI disappoints with possibly the worst blood effects and gunshot noises I've ever heard. Still, it's so ridiculously silly that some might find it a guilty B movie pleasure. And who knew Sharktopus could survive outside of water? There's even a scene of him utilizing the "food court" of a mall.
1. Ghost Shark
The Plot: A murdered great white seeks revenge on its redneck killer and a local town's residents.
Why It's Absurd: How was Ghost Shark resurrected, you ask? A spooky cave did it. And how does Ghost Shark attack his victims if he's a corporeal entity? Excellent question! For some reason (budget limits), he's limited to only attacking people near water, even if just a drop.
Is It Any Good? No, but the actors are better than you'd expect and it's a mercifully short watch at only 75 minutes, so at least it won't steal much of your time.
Which movie do you most enjoy?
Shark movies have a polarizing history (even the Jaws sequels are widely panned) but can be entertaining through either genuine terror or absurd cheesiness. Though most of today's films were critical flops, it's still fun to see how directors utilize unique takes on sharks to exploit our fear of them.
Feel free to vote for your favorite, and I'll see you at our next countdown!