Review of 2015 Shark Movies
Nope...it's STILL not safe to go back in the water...
Just when you thought it was safe to go to the RedBox machine or tune into SyFy, the sharks are back...again!
Sharknado 2 was SyFy's biggest "original movie" hit of 2014, surpassing even the Twitter-fueled hype of the original thanks to improved special effects, a boat load of high powered guest stars and even more insane chaos and mayhem, so naturally there's a Sharknado 3 on the horizon for Summer 2015! However, Sharknado 3 is not the only toothy contender for the 2015 Shark Movie Throne. As usual, when one low budget movie studio hits upon a winning formula, a parade of wanna-be's come out of the woodwork to try to take a bite (sorry) off of their success.
Below you'll find some basic info on Sharknado 3 as well as a half dozen other shark related chomp-fests that will be begging for your viewership throughout 2015. It looks like the Shark Movie craze isn't ending any time soon, so you might as well embrace the silliness. Grab your remote and some popcorn and press "play" on any of the following flicks to get a fix of toothy, low-budget fun!!
Given the runaway success of the first two films in the series, it was a no brainer that SyFy would green-light a Sharknado 3, and the currently-in-production sequel (subtitled Oh Hell No!) currently ranks as the most anticipated Shark Movie of 2015. Slated for a late July airing on SyFy, this writer wonders if the Asylum will have a tough time topping the insane, celebrity-studded 2nd film but the premise of 3 - a Sharknado tearing apart Washington D.C. and Florida - certainly sounds promising enough. Ian Ziering and Tara Reid will be back for the 3rd go-round as "Fin" and "April" as usual, and they'll be joined by David Hasselhoff (as Fin's father), Bo Derek (as April's Mom) and billionaire Mark Cuban (as the President of the United States), amongst many other cameos. Sharknado fanboys will be especially glad to hear that Cassie Scerbo is returning in Sharknado 3 to reprise her role as the shotgun-toting bikini clad waitress "Nova." Scerbo was noticeably absent from "2" despite being an audience favorite after her ass-kickin' performance in the first Sharknado.
Only time will tell if screenwriter Thunder Levin and director Anthony C. Ferrante can re-capture lightning in a bottle for a 3rd time, or if the Sharknado concept has finally (wait for it...) jumped the shark. (sorry, I couldn't resist).
"Sharknado 3" Teaser: Hoffnado!
"Mega Shark vs. Kolossus"
The Asylum's epic "Mega Shark" trilogy will become even MORE epic when it expands to a quadrilogy in 2015. (take THAT, "The Dark Knight!") After battling a Giant Octopus, a Crocosaurus, and the Mecha Shark in the previous three films, the massive Megalodon will take on a new opponent known as "Kolossus" in this fourth installment. During the early stages of the film's production, The Asylum were being somewhat secretive about what exactly a "Kolossus" was, but they finally revealed that he/it will be a rogue giant Soviet robot, left over from the Cold War. I was somewhat disappointed to hear that, since I had been hoping Kolossus would turn out to be a gigantic, pissed off badger, or perhaps a massive platypus. Oh, well. Maybe they can use one of those ideas for the fifth Mega Shark film...
"Mega Shark vs. Kolossus" Japanese Trailer
Until recently, I knew absolutely nothing about this movie aside from the fact that it will star aging '80s action bad-ass Dolph Lundgren, fresh from his "comeback" in the Expendables series. Needless to say, I was immediately sold. Come on, people, what more do you need to know? This movie will have Ivan Frickin Drago AND sharks! It's a match made in B-Movie heaven!! As Philip Fry on "Futurama" would say, "Shut up and take my money!!"
For those of you who need more detail than that, Shark Lake will apparently involve a big-game animal collector who dumps one or more of his prize beasts into a remote lake... which will, of course, eventually menace the local population. This plot sounds very similar to 2012's 3D box office bomb Shark Night, but of course, that movie didn't have the Power of Dolph. I'm hoping for a climactic fight scene in which Dolph tells an attacking Great White, "I must BREAK you!"
"Shark Lake" Trailer
Details about Shark Killer have been hard to come by as of this writing, but the film's IMDb page describes it as the story of shark terminator Chase Walker, who is hired by a crime lord to hunt down and kill one very particular shark - because it has swallowed a priceless diamond. The hunt gets complicated when a rival gang of mobsters also set their sights on the shark and the treasure. This Canadian/South African co-production features a cast of unknowns and the director's most recent credits include such direct-to-SyFy titles as Scarecrows, Snowmageddon, and Mega Cyclone ... so make of that what you will, I guess.
Shark Killer is apparently slated for a June 2015 release via Amazon, Google Play, iTunes and other digital platforms.
"Shark Killer" trailer
"90210 Shark Attack"
I haven't seen this film from noted no-budget auteur David DeCoteau yet, but it seems like a pretty safe bet that it will never live up to its hilariously awesome DVD cover. Once again I have very little information about the movie aside from its IMDb page, which sums up the plot of 90210 Shark Attack in one sentence fragment - "students encounter a haunted shark's tooth." How or why that encounter leads to a shark attack is unexplained. The cast list is populated by a bunch of attractive unknowns and if what little I've seen of David DeCoteau's previous filmography is anything to go by, I feel confident in predicting that the cast will spend the bulk of the movie in various states of undress. Is it me, or is it somewhat strange that a shark movie set in the "90210" didn't bother to try and round up one of Ian (Sharknado) Ziering's former Beverly Hills 90210 cast mates for a quick cameo? Seriously, are you telling me that Tori Spelling, Shannen Doherty or Brian Austin Green are really that busy?
"90210 Shark Attack"
"3 Headed Shark Attack"
The Asylum must be trying to corner the market on shark movies because they can't stop crankin'em out!! In case it isn't immediately obvious, this one is a sequel to 2012's well received 2 Headed Shark Attack, with an additional head. The 3 Headed trailer was recently released and it appears that this new triple-headed mutant - spawned in a highly polluted area of the ocean known as the "Garbage Pit" - attacks an offshore ocean research facility (ala Deep Blue Sea) and a cruise ship packed with young, attractive revelers. B-Movie legend Danny "Machete" Trejo, Jaason "Sharknado" Simmons and wrestler Rob Van Dam will star as some of the humans lining up to become lunch meat. Speaking as a red-blooded straight American male, I had hoped that they'd bring back bikini-clad Brooke Hogan - one of the few survivors of the first film's feeding frenzy - to battle this new beastie, but she's sitting this one one out, so fashion model-turned-actress Karrueche Tran will be providing the eye candy instead.
"3 Headed Shark Attack" Trailer:
"Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws"
Despite the semi-familiar title, his film has no relation to 2013's Ghost Shark flick which starred Richard "Night Court" Moll and Mackenzie ("7th Heaven") Rosman. Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws is a completely unrelated project that actually pre-dates that SyFy production. Urban Jaws started life in 2010 as jokey "fake trailer" for a non-existent movie by a pair or New Zealand filmmakers (the joke being that at the time, there was no 'first' Ghost Shark movie), who eventually stretched the idea out into a full fledged feature. The film seems to be a pretty basic parody of Jaws, set on the streets of Auckland, New Zealand - as that city's "Mayor Broody" hires a shark hunter to do away with a ghostly Great White that's devouring city dwellers on the eve of the mayoral election. I will leave it up to the viewer to find out if the joke has worn thin during the movie's five-year journey to completion.
"Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws"
"Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre"
As far as I'm concerned, this flick directed by B-movie legend Jim Wynorski has already locked up the prize for Coolest Shark Movie Title of 2015. A gang of inmates escape from an Arkansas women's prison and head into the swamps, where they're eventually stalked and munched by prehistoric sharks that have been brought to the surface by natural-gas "fracking." Just to make things even MORE interesting, these sharks aren't confined to the water - they can chase their prey onto dry land by burrowing through the ground like the "Graboids" from "Tremors." If THAT isn't enough to get you to tune in, there's an appearance by former '80s porn queen and current direct to video staple Traci Lords as a detective in hot pursuit of the escapees. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "Sharkansas..." sounds like it'll be "gooooood watchin'!"
"Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre"
In "RoboShark," an alien intelligence drops into the ocean on a meteor, and promptly possesses the body of a shark swimming by - transforming it into a mechanized, computer controlled ultra-mega-killing machine in the bargain. Soon Seattle is under siege from the robotic shark -which judging from the trailer, can attack on land as well as in water, and which also, apparently, understands the value of soclal media. This tongue-in-cheek camp fest looks very similar to RoboCroc which aired on SyFy a year or two ago -- so much so that I wouldn't be surprised to learn it's from the same producers.
"Sharktopus Vs. Whalewolf"
When, oh WHEN will these B-Movie scientists learn that mixing dangerous animal DNA together is NEVER a good idea?? Roger Corman's razor-toothed, multi-tentacled shark/octopus hybrid has already wreaked havoc on a Mexican beach resort and defeated the dreaded Pteracuda in his previous two installments, and in his third go-round he's battling a new mash-up creature called a Whalewolf. I bet you can figure out what two critters were combined to make that mutant. Catherine (Dynasty) Oxenberg and Casper Van Dien of Starship Troopers fame are some of the D-listers caught in the middle of this clash of cheaply CGI'd titans.
"Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf"
I have a feeling that these films won't be the only shark flicks hitting our screens this year, therefore if any more potential contenders for the Shark Movie crown appear as 2015 progresses, I'll make sure to add them to this list. In the meantime, you can feel free to vote for the film that you think will be the Best Shark Movie of 2015 in the poll below. Even though none of these films have made their way across my DVD player or streaming service yet, I'm already going to cast my vote for Sharknado 3 because I feel it's the one to beat!!
Till next time...stay out of the water!!