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'Replicas' (2019) Movie Review

Who hasn't had to clone their dead family members before, am I right?!

replicas-2019-movie-review

Sometimes Garbage is Perfectly Suitable Junk Food

Before I finally got around to seeing Replicas last night, it seemed that everyone across the board were in agreement that Replicas will be one of the worst films that 2019 has to offer. They’re calling it right now that this will be on everyone’s Worst of the Year list by the end of December this year; some even declaring it to be one of the worst movies ever made, period. I’m here to say that, yes, Replicas is bad… but it’s bad in so many delicious ways because I had a fantastic time watching this crap. Do you know that feeling you get when you’re just craving junk food? You don’t want anything that’s supposedly good for you, nothing all that substantial or overwhelming either, simply junk food that you know is bad for you yet tastes so delectable while you take a little timeout to basically not care about the fact that this is killing you slowly but surely. That is what I got out of Replicas. No, it’s not good for you. No, it’s not smart in any way shape or form. And yes, it is probably killing your brain cells at a rapid rate. But it is so damn entertaining in how it kills those precious brain cells. This is B-movie trash without a single ounce of intelligence in its writing, a whole lot of hokey acting and Keanu Reeves being an absolute national treasure as he kills time until John Wick 3.

Just studying my script... and porn.

Just studying my script... and porn.

The… Plot?

Scientist Keanu F*cking Reeves (he has an actual name in the movie, but… let’s face it, he’s Keanu here) working on a way to transfer the mind of a human being into a robot, heads out on vacation with his family. But on the way, tragedy falls upon them as a terrible car accident takes the lives of Keanu’s wife and three children. Woah. Once this happens, he becomes obsessed with bringing them back from the dead. So Keanu calls his friend that so happens to be working on cloning experimentation in order to save his family.

I think they're trying to figure out what movie they're in today.

I think they're trying to figure out what movie they're in today.

The Happy Coincidences

Yeah, so from the synopsis, can you get an idea as to how lucky some coincidences may occur in favor of our hero? With the opening sequence emphasizing so much about bringing the human consciousness into a mechanical organism, it’s really lucky that when Keanu’s family dies that his good buddy just so happens to be working on cloning living beings as Keanu figures out a way to transfer their minds into the brains of the clones. However, it’s unfortunately not as simple as that since it turns out that Keanu’s friend only has three pods to clone one person each, but there’s four dead family members. What is a Keanu to do?? Delete one of course! That’s right. He has to figure out a way to literally delete one of his family members completely out of existence. Luckily he has a program in order to find all traces of this individual inside the consciousness of his other deceased family members and can easily press a delete button to get a head start on the issue.

Delete your daughter... sure.

Delete your daughter... sure.

Cloning your entire family may sound simple to some, but for Keanu, it is a process that takes a matter of two and a half weeks to complete. So in that time he not only must get rid of all traces of one particular family member within and outside of the household; he also has keep up appearances with his neighbors, work diligently on bringing the human mind into a robot for the company he works for, convince everyone in his children’s and wife’s lives that they are all still alive, make up excuses to schools as to why the kids haven’t shown up and his wife’s work as well, constructing a safe and efficient way to transfer the minds of his family into the cloned bodies that will hopefully not result in them going crazy and killing themselves like what happens in his robot project, all while monitoring the cloning pods so they properly recreate his family that takes up a lot of power which forces him to steal the car batteries of everyone in his neighborhood to keep the pods functioning and when the cops question him about if his car battery has been stolen he can say no so he can be the prime suspect but that’s okay because that subplot is never brought up ever again.

Once his family is back to Keanu, it’ll all be smooth sailing from there… except for the fact that the company he works for turns out to be an evil corporation hell bent on taking his family away because they are only considered property now. Which means the third act is action packed with the Keanu Bunch on the run for their lives! Resulting in so many more absurd moments that I would kind of feel guilty here if I spoiled the rest of the stupid fun. There are subplots that go nowhere, ridiculous leaps in logic that no one in a million years would actually make, acting from everyone that clearly says, “I’m waiting for the check to clear”, and special effects that are baffling in how horrendous the CGI is… I mean… even if this was supposed to go directly to video, there’s no excuse as to why the effects on this robot are as bad as they are. I mean… wow.

Look at me in all my CGI glory!!!

Look at me in all my CGI glory!!!

God, I Love Stupid!

I loved it. I loved how idiotic this movie got in its writing as it made no sense why anyone would make certain decisions that they do here and how insanely convoluted the plot kept getting. I loved how you can see in every actor’s eyes that they were either contractually obligated to be there or bribed handsomely with a pretty paycheck and a bottle of scotch every night. I relished every time that robot was on screen with its piss poor PlayStation One effects work. I’m fairly certain that the CGI literally glitches on screen at one point with the robot. And the ending is so juicy I dare not spoil it. To touch a little more on Keanu Reeves though in the movie, for the most part he is clearly skating by like everyone else, but he does have a moment or two when he is allowed to provide some emotion and he is good. There are brief moments where I did feel for this guy’s situation and how stressful it got for him… briefly. The rest of the time he was clearly just having fun trolling the film and I admired that so much. I had a great time watching this beautifully bad flick. Is it one of the worst movies ever made? God no, that title should be reserved for something without any entertainment value. At least this keeps my interest, for better or worse. Should this be regarded as one of the worst for 2019 already? Hold your horses, internet. I’m positive that this year will have plenty of true stinkers that will overshadow Replicas by a long shot. By the end of this year I bet people will forget that this even existed. Stop getting your panties in a bunch, acting like this is the worst movie ever. If this is the worst movie you’ve ever seen then you haven’t seen that many bad films and you should feel privileged. Go watch something really bad and then come back to me on that.

So… I recommend this. I recommend this in a, “I’m a jackass that loves some good trash” kind of way. If you are the type that can get a kick out of something dumb like this then I say check it out as long as you can watch it for a cheap price. Again, the plot is overstuffed and the writing holds no brain to it as the actors are barely drinking their way through but it’s a blast of dumb. The script is like the mentally disabled, inbred cousin of RoboCop, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Splice. Take that for what it’s worth and have yourselves a stupidly goofy time with Replicas!

Look... the John Wick series pays the bill, but I needed new counter tops in my kitchen... send me the script to Replicas, stat!

Look... the John Wick series pays the bill, but I needed new counter tops in my kitchen... send me the script to Replicas, stat!

© 2019 John Plocar