I'm an artist, a writer, a director, a film critic and occasionally I cook. Here I will be mainly focusing on film critiquing.
Predator: Get to the Childhood
With the release of a new video game under the franchise’s belt, Predator: Hunting Grounds, I began feeling nostalgic for the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger/John McTiernan sci-fi classic. And then I said to myself, “Hey, dumbass. You own it. Watch it.” So I did exactly that. Which led me to where I am right here, right now, writing about what everyone knows to be one of the best action films of all time. As a kid, Arnie was my number one action movie hero as I absolutely loved the hell out of Schwarzenegger’s awesome slew of movies through his stint in the 1980s and 1990s: Predator (obviously), Terminator 1 & 2, Conan the Barbarian, Commando, Total Recall, True Lies, Last Action Hero, Running Man, Twins, and Kindergarten Cop are all masterpieces in my book! No, I will not take that back.
In all seriousness, out of the ever-growing bunch that Arnie was shelling out, one of the few titles my whole family would consistently revisit was ’87’s Predator. For good reason; the action is a spectacle and a half, every single character is badass and easily memorable, the constant one-liners throughout are some of the best that cinema has to offer, Arnold himself is a brick house of oozing charisma, the special effects are some of the best ever seen, and of course, the Predator itself is one of the most iconic sci-fi baddies ever projected onto the big screen. Predator is pure adrenaline and testosterone with the intensity of true war. As of late, admittedly it’s been difficult to commit myself to writing movie reviews with my current mental state. But after a solid, happy 107-minute thrill ride here, I am presently the cheeriest mother f*cker around!
Arnold and his ragtag team of commandos are hired on a mission to save a group of hostages from a guerilla army within the depths of a Central American jungle. As the team ventures deeper, they find themselves being hunted down by an alien warrior with only one thing in mind… Killing our heroes one at a time. Now it’s down to figuring out how to survive and kill this creature before it wipes out the entire team on the way to the chopper… I had to.
Re-Watching the Classic as an “Adult”
Every time I come back to Predator, I honestly forget just how much lust for visual carnage there is within the action sequences which is wickedly glorious to behold. Bullets shred through jungle and dozens of casualties like nobody’s business throughout this whole movie. I love it so much. I’m not sure why that is an aspect that I continuously struggle to remember, but when I hit ‘Play’ it all comes roaring back and I can’t help myself from grinning ear to ear as the chaos ensues. It also makes me realize that this movie could never be made again in today’s modern moviemaking. With how much violence there is and glorification of basically guns mowing down people and trees alike, this production would instantly be hit by the thousands of uppity parents and obnoxiously sensitive ‘adult-babies’ declaring this film “unsafe” or “problematic” for our nation to see.
Not to mention the fact that even on a production value level I feel as though if Predator were made or remade today, we would not be viewing the same luscious locations or sets that capture the jungle environment like what we see in the 1987 film. More likely than not, in the year 2020, Predator would be strictly a “green screen” movie. They wouldn’t fly our stars out into the boiling heat of the amazon, nor would they prepare many, if any, sets to be filled with astonishing foliage for the characters to physically immerse themselves in. 2020’s version of Predator would more than likely be a cast of hot youths in their early 20s, it would be post-apocalyptic for some reason while the sexy team of gloomy CW channel misfits have to engage in some sort of stupid obstacle course to the death while the world is being invaded by misunderstood aliens or some virus that turns people into zombies that aren’t zombies “but something much, much worse.” It would be wildly and depressingly unrecognizable. Plus, I’m sure it would be rated PG-13; a slap in the face to the original to fall anywhere under an R rating. Luckily that never happened and I hope to God it never will.
Strange how simultaneously far we’ve come in movie magic, yet how far we’ve regressed as well. We’ve created such remarkable sights with the help of CGI, however does it compare to the potential and weight that’s achieved with some latex and plastic? Leading me to another guess I’d make if Predator were produced today, the creature effects would undoubtedly be 100% fully computer generated rather than traditionally crafted by practical means. Why is it that with all this technological progress we’ve made in filmmaking, it’s somehow so difficult to simply get a guy in a monster suit nowadays? Then any time we do get good use of practical effects, they get covered up by a bunch of unconvincing CGI… Jurassic World… So to say that I’m glad that Predator is from the 1980s where special effects were at their best is probably the understatement of the century.
A Vietnam War Flick Stumbling Across a Horror Film
The beauty within this screenplay is how this is a kickass ‘80s action movie that so happens to stumble its way into a sci-fi monster movie. Everything that entails both genres being cheerfully blended into one gigantic, heart pounding experience. Big time explosions, jungle warfare, dozens of horrifically mutilated victims, a terrifying creature that is tactical as well as resourceful and can hold its own in one on one combat, slow and quietly driven suspense, and on top of it all we’ve got the most ‘80s action hero Schwarzenegger to go toe to toe with our creepy baddy. There is nothing here that I don’t love about Predator, but the fact that it is one of my favorite kinds of film where one genre will seemingly by accident walk its way into another genre is always such a treat for me. This so happens to be two polar opposite genres of a war movie and a sci-fi horror movie that doesn’t often merge in the cinema. Off the top of my head, the closest example I might muster up is undoubtedly James Cameron’s Aliens as that was obviously combining the two genres mentioned in a manner. Although I would personally argue that Aliens leans heavier towards science fiction with its futuristic and other worldly setting while Predator grounds itself heavily in our own reality.
Arnold “Mother F*cking” Schwarzenegger
What can I say that already hasn’t been said by countless others in the past about Arnold Schwarzenegger? He’s cool, he’s funny, he’s a big goofball, he’s totally badass, intimidating, charming, built like the Himalayan mountains, and he is one of our all-time greatest action heroes. These are simply facts and I love the hell out of this guy’s work. Predator was basically made at the peak of Arnold’s action career and it is a fantastic highpoint, I must say as the man is firing on all pistons in this baby. His performance here is everything we love about Arnold that I’ve just listed above and he doesn’t miss a beat when he either has to be charismatic or intense, he’s balances both modes perfectly. Only Arnie can spout out the beautifully cheesy one-liner, “Stick around” while impaling a man with a knife the size of my forearm.
From my understanding of how production went on the set of Predator, Arnold really took the reigns in being a huge support system for the whole cast and crew. Trudging through all this harsh terrain, over hundred degree heat, rolling through mud and dirt and bugs, constantly pricking himself on thorns from all the trees and foliage, yet took it all with a big smile on his face and an infectious optimism that spread among everyone around him. Honestly, that is really cool to me that he is willing to go through basically hell just to provide some fun for the audience and help a movie become a reality for the filmmakers. There is no one like Schwarzenegger and I don’t believe there ever will be, he’s a one of a kind treasure that I have gotten hundreds of hours of sheer blissful entertainment from. All I can truly say at this point is… Thank you, Arnold, for being so fantastic at what you do.
The Team of Testosterone
Back to the elements that would most definitely be toned down in modern cinema, the testosterone fueled squad of men that try out-manning each other. Today, if Predator were fresh off the Hollywood assembly line, it’s cast would be filled with angsty hot youngsters with producers attempting to cover every demographic possible in terms of race and gender in order to appease everyone on the planet. Not to say that to strive at being diverse is a bad thing, it’s not. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying to support diversity in film. Although sometimes there are simply some movies where it is wholly unnecessary and contributes nothing to doing so; Predator, in my opinion, is one of those movies that wouldn’t benefit in the slightest with a cast meant to cynically cash in on race or gender equality. The cast is flawless as they are and they work astonishingly off one another in their hilarious banter.
I’m aware that no matter how I phrase this subject it will likely be taken out of context or misinterpreted, but to me it feels as though Hollywood and television programs are currently hellbent on supplying equal representation to everyone in everything no matter what. Unfortunately, most of the time it comes across as condescending or disingenuous and I weep at the thought of if Predator were made today. To me, this a “man’s man” kind of flick. I wish I knew of a better way to describe the characters, but that’s the best way that comes to mind; these are manly men that do men things and are uber manly about it. Hopefully no one thinks that I’m saying this is a movie strictly for men. No, not at all. But how else can one describe this merry military band of foul mouthed, constant shaving, tobacco chewing, boombox jamming, carnage loving, “ain’t got time to bleed” type men that are all built like brick houses who are relentlessly ribbing one another throughout every frame? There is no other way to put it other than these are mother f*cking MEN and I adore every second they’re on screen as the film wholeheartedly embraces this adrenaline rush of manliness and goes for it unapologetically.
With all that said, every actor is utterly perfect in their respective roles in the squad and easily make for some insanely memorable characters:
- Carl Weathers as the treacherous bestie of Arnold, Dillon, who uses Arnie’s team as a means to his own goals and he was also a son of a b*tch! Not to mention he’s a great, right handed pitcher.
- Jesse Ventura as the beefcake Blain with a nasty habit of chewing tobacco and implementing some questionable terms into his vocabulary. Also a fan of Mtv and not getting his heart blown out of his chest.
- Sonny Landham as Billy, the intensely focused and cunning Native American with some of the greatest buildup to a rather dissatisfying payoff I’ve personally ever seen in a movie sadly… But he’s still awesome.
- Richard Chaves as Poncho, the man who thinks he can make it… He doesn’t make it.
- Elpidia Carrillo as Anna, the poor woman who stumbled into the wrong place at the wrong time when an alien decides to start murdering people in her territory. Although she’s smart enough to know when it’s time to combine strengths in order to survive. She also believes the jungle comes to life and kills men at random.
- Shane Black as the lovable Hawkins, a man who only wants to makes jokes about vaginas being too big and to not have his skin ripped off. Luckily, one of those things he’s allowed to do.
- Bill Duke as crazed, vengeful Mac who has a distaste for boars and trees and scorpions. But absolutely will not turn down singing a song to himself in the middle of a hunt.
Mac / Bill Duke
Upon my most recent viewing of Predator, I came to the sudden realization that Bill Duke as Mac is an incredibly underrated performance. Duke is chewing up scenes with every frame he’s in; whether as a stone cold killer or driven to complete madness in his quest for vengeance against the Predator. As the movie went along, I couldn’t avert my eyes from his deliciously over-the-top crazed performance. Honestly, it got to a point where I began wondering why Duke’s role isn’t more appreciated or mentioned among the fan base. Bill does a phenomenal job delving further down into insanity as we reach the third act, exhaustedly singing to himself while desperately hunting down the alien bastard who murdered his friend. Obviously this talented actor is having a grand time in the role and I do hope he can get a bit more recognition for his efforts here as I genuinely believe that Duke is relatively overlooked when Arnie and the Predator are taking up so much of the spotlight.