2018 Netflix Halloween Countdown: "Yoga Hosers"

Updated on November 1, 2018
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There are many movies that are worth seeing, but there are a lot of stinkers as well. My goal here is to weed out the good from the bad.

2018 Netflix Halloween Countdown

A year after my Netflix Halloween Countdown, some of the movies I originally listed are no longer on Netflix! So once again, I will be watching and reviewing the spooky, scary, gory, chilling, and horror-themed movies on Netflix. With each review, I will be including an up-to-date table that ranks the movies from best to worst. If you are looking to get in the Halloween spirit, by watching some Halloween style movies, then these articles are for you!

Yoga Hosers

Theatrical Release: 9/2/2016
Theatrical Release: 9/2/2016 | Source

Synopsis

Colleen Collette (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen McKenzie (Harley Quinn Smith) are best friends, high-school students in Canada, and are always on their cell phones. To the girls, their cell phones are extensions of themselves and they never go anywhere without them. They also work at a convenience store, owned by Colleen Collette's father (Tony Hale), where they pass the time by holding jam sessions for their band in the back room. Oh, and of course, the girls practice yoga in a class led by Yogi Bayer (Justin Long).

The girls live fairly mundane lives, until strange deaths start popping up in the town. When the victim of one of those deaths had been last seen as customer of the convenience store, an author named Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp) comes to the girls' school to question them. Soon after, the girls discover that the things responsible for these deaths are small, Nazi bratwursts (Kevin Smith). The girls then find themselves in the middle of this madness, so they must find out where these Bratzis came from and how to stop them.

Official Trailer

The Pros & Cons

The Pros
The Cons
The Colleens (+6pts)
InstaCan (-5pts)
The Cast & Cameos (+3pts)
The Monsters (-6pts)
Comedy (+4pts)
The Plot (-8pts)
All movies start with an average score of 75pts, points are then awarded for each Pro and taken away for each Con. Each Pro or Con is designated points ranging from 0-10 allowing me to convey to you how significant these Pros or Cons are.
Source

Pro: The Colleens (+6pts)

The Colleens were probably the most entertaining part of the film. These two characters are inseparable from each other, as well as their phones, and the movie really plays into the comedy of their extreme phone use. I enjoyed these characters' millennial attitude, I enjoyed their friendship, I thought the two actresses had very good chemistry together, and I thought that they did a decent job in the roles. While the Colleens have a very strong and entertaining friendship, I think it was the actresses' chemistry that made the roles work so well.

Again, both Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith did a decent job in these roles, but I got the impression that these two are friends in real life. If I am correct, that friendship played well on screen. If I am incorrect, then the two have a natural chemistry that played well on screen. Either way, their chemistry was very strong and the movie was better for it.

Source

Con: InstaCan (-5pts)

This was such an annoying part of the movie. Every single time any new character is on screen, there is a pop-up graphic that shows the character's name, bio, and picture. It was done as if it was being posted on social media, but we never see any character actually posting it. The graphic was called InstaCan, and it was clearly done in the attempt of introducing characters to the audience by using the gimmick of the Colleens always being on their phones.

Logically, it makes sense, and it was tolerable at first, but all it ended up being was an irritating distraction from the movie. Almost every single time that I started to get into the movie, the InstaCan graphic would pop-up. This happens constantly and it disrupts the pacing of the film.

Source

Pro: The Cast & Cameos (+3pts)

This film has a surprisingly well known cast and features some entertaining cameos. Actors like Johnny Depp, Justin Long, Tony Hale, Natasha Lyonne, Kevin Smith, Ralph Garman, and Adam Brody (just to name a few) are all in this movie and their presence is definitely entertaining. They all play some pretty over-the-top characters, but this movie calls for that and it works well. The film also has a cameo from Stan Lee (not a spoiler if it is in the trailer) and another surprise cameo that DC comics fans will appreciate. This film has some major problems, but it had a fun cast.

Source

Con: The Monsters (-6pts)

I thought the film's setup was fine, but once the monsters were introduced, it all went downhill fast. I will not even get into the terrible visual effects during the fight scenes, but I will get into why the monsters did not work for the film. So the monsters (that are terrorizing this Canadian town) are Bratzis. They are bratwursts, that just so happen to be Nazis. Now I realize that the intent was to have a ridiculous movie, as that is Kevin Smith's style, but I do not think the Bratzis were as effective as Kevin Smith anticipated. They are ridiculous, sure, but not in a good way. Oh, and how do they kill people? They jump into their butt, crawl through their body, and jump out of their mouth. The whole thing is ridiculous, and I won't lie, the first kill amused me a bit, but it got very old, very quickly.

Since these things have just the one method of murder, they are only dangerous if you do not know they are behind you. They are tiny and slow, so (if you are aware of their existence) they are seemingly no threat. Once the girls encounter the Bratzis for the first time (which happens about half-way through the film), the film loses it's horror-vibe because the main characters prove that they can hold their own against the creatures. Movies like this work best if they can blend horror and comedy together, this film went for the comedy and neglected the horror. The monsters were evident of that. I am aware that the Bratzis were intended to be ridiculous (and they succeed at that), but the film could have been so much better if these things were (at least remotely) intimidating.

Source

Pro: Comedy (+4pts)

This is a ridiculous movie; like I said before, that is Kevin Smith's style and it works for him. The comedy (for the most part) worked for me. I really enjoyed the focus on the Colleen's obsession with their phones. That is such a relevant topic in today's society so I think the comedy surrounding their obsession will work well with most audiences. The characters all have very stereotypical Canadian accents that are amusing at first, but then the bit gets extremely played out. The dialogue felt like it was forcefully written so that characters would use words such as "about" and "sorry". If the dialogue was written naturally, the characters would still use those (fairly common) words and the comedy would work throughout the film. If the dialogue is forced to contain those words, the comedy feels desperate and dries out quickly.

I really enjoyed the Ralph Garman bit. If you are familiar with Ralph Garman then you know that he is a very talented impressionist, and that he is a close friend of Kevin Smith. So I was not surprised to see him in this film, but I was pleasantly surprised to see his impressions incorporated into it. If you are uninterested in seeing this movie, I still recommend finding his scenes on youtube. I am sure you will find it if you type "Ralph Garman impressions Yoga Hosers". Anyway, I thought this comedy worked pretty well but it was a fairly small part of the film.

The another piece of comedy, that just hit me in the right way, came from the Colleen's yoga instructor, Yogi Bayer (Justin Long). This character is a nut (make sure you read the quote on the wall of the picture above). I thought the pun between Yogi Bayer and Yogi Bear was pretty funny. This yoga instructor has no idea what Yogi Bear is and the film has some comedic moments that focus on that. Some may find this dumb, but it hit me the right way so I thought it was pretty funny.

Unfortunately, I have to say that (while the comedy worked for me) I do not think the comedy will work for a lot of people. That is why I did my best to explain it here. Definitely watch the trailer for this film to understand it's vibe. It is a very ridiculous comedy, so if you do not like that sort of thing, then this movie may not be for you.

Source

Con: The Plot (-8pts)

As should be no surprise, the plot for this movie is either terrible or non-existent. In such a ridiculous movie, the filmmakers clearly focused way too heavily on attempted comedy and putting together a decent cast. I felt that the film succeeded in both of those areas, but the plot definitely suffered. These two girls are in high-school, they work at a convenience store (owned by one of their fathers), and they want to go to a high-school senior party. That is the characters' only goal; they want to go to a senior party. Then the convenience store is attacked by Bratzis.

The film focuses heavily on how the Bratzis exist and (for a ridiculous comedy) it worked, but the film focuses very little on the girls' motivations for trying to stop the Bratzis. That is the reason this plot suffers so much. This is a very ridiculous comedy, so the audience will not care about why the Bratzis exist, but if the girls' storyline is not properly developed, the audience will not be invested. That is what happened here. The filmmakers focused on plot points that do not matter, and they neglected plot areas that would engage the audience.

Grading Scale

Grade
Category
Points
A+
Amazing
95-100
A-
Great
90-94
B+
Good
85-89
B-
Decent
80-84
C+
Average
75-79
C-
Watchable
70-74
D+
Bad
65-69
D-
Terrible
60-64
F
Garbage
45-59
Source

Grade: D+ (69pts)

I thought this film was just shy of being average. It has a couple of entertaining main characters with the Colleens. I enjoyed watching Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith in these roles. They had a friendship that felt genuine and they had some pretty successful comedy that focused on millennial's cell phone obsession. I think that comedy will work for younger and older audiences. The film has some other comedic bits that will work for a specific audience (definitely watch the trailer to determine if that includes you), but other audiences may find the film boring and not funny.

The monsters were definitely one of the film's issues. They are bratwurst Nazis that enter their victim's anal canal and crawl out of their mouth. That is how they kill. It was slightly amusing at first but gets old very quickly. They also pose, relatively, no threat to the Colleens which makes the Bratzis ineffective at engaging the audience. Another major issue for this film is it's plot. The plot focuses very heavily on how the Bratzis came to be (which is something few audience members will care to discover), and it focuses very little on the Colleens' plot. What are their motivations for trying to stop the Bratzis? Why should the audience care? After simply trying to survive, the girls have very little motivation for taking on these creatures. Due to these issues, the film does a poor job of engaging it's audience.

Again I would say this film fell just short of average, and that is coming from someone who normally responds well to Kevin Smith's comedic style. To someone that does not think they will respond with Kevin Smith's comedy, this movie simply will not work and I definitely do not recommend seeing it. The film simply suffers from severe plot issues and issues with the film's monsters, so for that, you should probably skip this movie. Though I am sure Kevin Smith would appreciate his film's score here.

Ranking

Rank
Movie
Points
1
Train to Busan
86pts
2
The Ritual
82pts
3
The Babysitter
80pts
3
Gerald's Game
80pts
4
Hush
79pts
5
Stitches
78pts
5
V/H/S/2
78pts
6
1922
77pts
7
Would You Rather
76pts
8
Viral
75pts
9
Demonic
74pts
9
It Follows
74pts
9
Little Evil
74pts
10
The Babadook
73pts
11
The Bar
72pts
12
Yoga Hosers
69pts
13
Most Likely to Die
67pts
14
13 Cameras
66pts
15
Gallowwalkers
54pts

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