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Netflix Halloween Countdown: "Stitches"

Updated on November 1, 2017

Netflix Halloween Countdown

For the month of October, I have selected 17 horror (or horror-themed) movies, at random, on Netflix. Over the course of this month, I watched and reviewed a lot of spooky, scary, gory, chilling, horror-themed movies and, with each review, I have included a table (at the very bottom of the article) where I have ranked them in order from best to worst. So if you are looking to get in the Halloween spirit, by watching some Halloween style movies, then these articles are for you!

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Synopsis

Stitches (Ross Noble) is a crude, birthday party clown. He arrives late to a birthday party for a young boy named Tom, but when he arrives, he does his best to entertain the kids. Unfortunately, this group of kids are not very entertained by clowns. These brats are flipping him off, pouring their drinks into his magic hat, and yelling at him. So Stitches decides to juggle and, as one boy is about to throw a ball at Stitches' face, another boy ties his shoelaces together. So when the boy throws the ball, Stitches falls into the kitchen where his face lands directly on a knife (which was in the dishwasher rack). With Stitches dead and blood all over his kitchen, it is safe to say that Tom has had a traumatic birthday party.

About six years later, the kids are all in high school. Tom's mother is going away on the weekend of Tom's birthday, so Tom (still traumatized and scared to be home alone on his birthday) decides to have his friends stay at his house. Invitations are sent and it becomes a huge high school party. All of Tom's friends (from when he was a kid) are there, and the party is going well, but there is one problem. One of the invitations blew out a window and wound up landing on Stitches' grave. That is when Stitches' hand erupts from the ground to grab the invitation. While Tom is trying to enjoy the party and finally put his horrific past behind him, a resurrected Stitches is on his way to give Tom a birthday party to die for.

Official Trailer

The Pros & Cons

The Pros
The Cons
Stitches (+6pts)
The Plot (-5pts)
The Kids (+5pts)
The Tone (-3pts)
The Deaths (+4pts)
The Egg (-4pts)
All movies start with an average score of 75pts, points are then awarded for each Pro and taken away for each Con. Each Pro or Con is designated points ranging from 0-10 allowing me to convey to you how significant these Pros or Cons are.
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Pro: Stitches (+6pts)

I was surprised that I enjoyed this character so much. He is a rude and crude party clown at the beginning of the film, except the children he is supposed to entertain, seem to find amusement in his misfortune. I think most adults will be able to relate (in some way) with Stitches in the beginning of this film. Having to deal with misbehaved and wild children who you have no power to discipline. That's something that I think most adults can relate with. This made Stitches pretty relatable and makes you sympathize with him.

Then he comes back from the dead and decides to murder all of those children. Now, I do not think most normal adults will be able to relate with that, but Stitches was very entertaining after he is resurrected. He has all sorts of killer clown related puns and he has all sorts of deadly clown related gadgets. For example, he can take off his red nose, tell it to "sniff 'em out", then the nose will roll around the house to locate the children who caused his death. That is probably the only example I can give without spoiling a death in the film. Just know that he is not simply running around murdering people with a random weapon. Each kill involves some ridiculous clown related gadget.

The gadgets were entertaining, Stitches puns were entertaining, and Stitches' attitude was entertaining. I thought Ross Noble did a pretty good job balancing the tone of creepy clown and cheesy clown. This character is throwing out puns like crazy and is (for the most part) silly, but Ross Noble was still able to maintain the creepy vibe, which was important for this film. The film is not scary, but it is very funny and most of that is due to Ross Noble and his character, Stitches.

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Con: The Plot (-5pts)

A huge issue with this film was it's plot. So a couple of kids distract a clown, which causes the clown to fall directly (eye-first) onto the blade of a knife. Then years later, the kid is having another birthday party, the wind blows an invitation from a kid's house all the way to Stitches' grave, Stitches is resurrected, and Stitches is on his way to kill the kids.

That is the plot of this film and, I know, it sounds ridiculous. While this film was intended to be ridiculous, and was entertaining as such, I still could not get past the ridiculous plot. The worst part about it was how predictable it was. As a viewer, you will know (pretty early on) which kids will survive and which ones will not. This kind of took a lot of the suspense out of the film. Then there was the ending, but that ending deserves it's own point so I will get into that later.

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Pro: The Kids (+5pts)

I was pretty entertained by the kids in this film. First when they were young kids, then when they were teenagers. At first, the children are pretty hilarious. They are yelling things like "F**K YOU!" at Stitches. They are also flipping him off, pouring things in his hat, etc. These are really terribly behaved children, but for the sake of the film, it ended up being pretty amusing.

Then they grow up and everything has changed. Some of them are bullies and others are sex-craved teenage boys. Then there is Tom who is a well behaved kid , but is still traumatized from the incident with Stitches at his birthday party. There are several kids in this film that we see as children, then as teenagers. They are so different from each other and each seem to fit into a different high school "clique". I liked the variety of their personalities and I liked how they all come together at Tom's party. Their friendships (or rivalries) seemed genuine, which definitely made the film more entertaining.

The film focuses heavily on Tom's story, but because all of these characters' relationships with Tom felt genuine, the viewer still cares about the characters that remained friends with Tom. Similarly, even with the two bullies, I could feel their character's history with Tom. This made it even easier to dislike these characters (which was intended). I really enjoyed all of these characters, which was largely due to the great chemistry between all of these young actors.

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Con: The Tone (-3pts)

I enjoyed this film's comedy quite a bit, but I thought it was missing a lot of horror. For the most part, the comedy in this film was very effective, but there were a few scenes that were just too ridiculous. There was the slinky arm, the air pump, and the egg yolk. You will know what I mean by those three things when you see the movie. I want to be clear that for the most part, the film's comedy is very entertaining. There are just a few scenes that were too over-the-top for me. I also thought that the film, as a whole, was lacking in horror. It is rare that a film is able to balance comedy and horror equally, and this film does not even try. It focuses very heavily on ridiculous comedy and does not seem to attempt horror. It is a horror-themed comedy. That can work for a film, but I thought that Stitches could have used some horror.

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Pro: The Deaths (+4pts)

I was pretty entertained by the deaths in this film. Each time that Stitches makes a kill, he will throw out some very cheesy pun and kill his victim using some ridiculous clown prop. This film has a gimmick and the filmmakers know it. The film really focuses on how ridiculously silly a killer clown could be, and that is how we get Stitches. Stitches is putting on a silly, clown show and his audience is the viewer of this film. All of the deaths in this movie involved a different clown related "trick", and it was pretty entertaining. That being said, there was one that did not work for me. I do not know why, but even though I liked the silliness of this slasher, I thought the air pump kill (you will know it if or when you see it) was a bit too silly for me. It took me out of the movie, but luckily that was the only one I had issue with. All of the others (and there is a lot of murder in this film) were pretty amusing.

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Con: The Egg (-4pts)

Okay, this was definitely the dumbest part of the whole movie. This is a dumb movie and that generally makes it more entertaining. However the entire egg thing was ridiculous. So the film opens to Stitches having sex with a woman who sees an egg (in a mystical looking jar) that is painted to match Stitches' clown paint. Then when Stitches dies, there is a weird clown ritual where they take his egg and put it in a tomb with a ton of other clown eggs. Then Stitches is resurrected and invincible, so I am sure you can guess the only way Stitches can be stopped. I do not want to get into the specifics of the ending, but just know that it is egg-stremely ridiculous

I thought the whole thing with the egg was really dumb. Why is there a need to explain the magic behind the clowns resurrection? Why does there need to be a way to definitively kill Stitches? Sure, the entire film is ridiculous (so why stop at Stitches' origin?), but I thought that most of this film is ridiculous in a good way while the whole egg thing was ridiculous in a bad way.

Grading Scale

Grade
Category
Points
A+
Amazing
95-100
A-
Amazing
90-94
B+
Good
85-89
B-
Good
80-84
C+
Average
75-79
C-
Average
70-74
D+
Bad
65-69
D-
Bad
60-64
F
Garbage
45-59
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Grade: C+ (78pts)

Stitches was a pretty entertaining film. It never takes itself seriously, and it actually does the opposite. It seems to try very hard to be as ridiculous as possible and that works pretty well through most of this film. Stitches was a very entertaining monster. Slasher films, like this, usually focus very little on the monster. With this film, the viewers get to see a lot of the killer clown and how he hunts his victim's. We also get a ton of death related puns and cheesy one-liners from the clown as he is killing people. Who are his jokes directed at? Certainly not his victim's because they are dead. It is almost as if this killer-clown is putting on a show for the viewers of the film, while the characters are his props.

The film has a very weak plot, but that does not hurt it too much because the film never takes itself too seriously. Stitches is funny, the kids are funny, and the deaths are funny. While I thought this film's tone worked for most of the film, I thought there were a few scenes that suffered due to how ridiculous the tone was. For those scenes, I really thought the film could have used some horror.

Stitches was a pretty entertaining, bloody, and ridiculous movie that never takes itself seriously. It is missing horror, but (again) it is a pretty entertaining and bloody slasher film. I think this would be a good film to watch if you want a silly film with a horror-theme or if you are having a horror movie marathon but could use a silly film to take a break from intense horror films. Regardless, I can recommend watching this film. It has it's issues, but it never takes itself too seriously and it ends up being ridiculously entertaining. So watch the trailer and judge whether or not the tone would be something that you would enjoy.

Ranking

Rank
Movie
Points
1
Housebound
87pts
2
The Awakening
82pts
3
Stake Land
81pts
4
The Babysitter
80pts
4
Gerald's Game
80pts
5
Stitches
78pts
6
V/H/S
77pts
7
Would You Rather
76pts
8
Viral
75pts
9
It Follows
74pts
9
Little Evil
74pts
10
The Babadook
73pts
11
The Bar
72pts
12
Yoga Hosers
69pts
13
Most Likely to Die
67pts
14
13 Cameras
66pts
15
Gallowwalkers
54pts

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