Great Bad Movies: "Breeders" (1986)
Directed by: Tim Kincaid / Starring: Nobody you've ever heard of
Run Time: 1 hour, 17 minutes
Warning: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
Come back with us now to the mid 1980s, when the VCR explosion was in full swing, forever changing the way Americans watched movies. Mom and Pop video shops were springing up like mushrooms across this great land, and those stores demanded a constant supply of new product in order to feed the hungry movie-renting masses. The major Hollywood studios were still unsure if home video would be The Next Big Thing or merely a passing fad, so most of them were playing it safe with this strange new format and only devoting a small portion of their back catalogs for video releases. This soon gave rise to the Direct to Video era. Dozens of fly-by-night labels like RaeDon, Gorgon and Wizard Video (to name just a few) happily rushed in to fill video store voids with countless low-budget made-for-tape extravaganzas, usually in the crowd-pleasing action, horror or science-fiction genres. Video stores weren't as picky about Quality Control in those days -- as long as a tape had cool artwork on the front of the box that would suck in curious renters, they would gladly stock it. Which brings us to today's feature presentation, 1986's Breeders - a so- '80s-it-hurts softcore sci-fi/horror hybrid whose garish box art billed it as "THE SEXUAL INVASION!" and promised "A WORLD PREMIERE IN YOUR OWN HOME!"...woo, how could any self-respecting, thrill seeking teenage deviant possibly resist a pitch like that screaming from the shelf of his local video store?
It's 1986 in New York City, and big-haired Dr. Gamble Pace of "Manhattan General Hospital" is distressed by a sudden upturn in the number of rape victims in her emergency ward. Each woman arrives showing the same symptoms - loss of memory followed by near-total catatonia. None of the victims - which include a woman who was walking home alone after a date, a fashion model who was attacked during a (nude) workout, and eventually, a hospital nurse - have anything in common except that prior to these brutal attacks, they were all virgins. (Interesting switch there. Usually the virginal girl is the one who survives in a movie like this. But I digress...)
Dr. Pace and Detective Dale Andriotti of the N.Y.P.D. (Lance Lewman) begin investigating the strange phenomena surrounding these attacks, which have been happening all over New York City. Eventually one of the catatonic patients in Dr. Pace's care suddenly re-awakens in a zombie like state and walks naked out of the hospital, following an apparent "signal.". When the Doc and the Cop pursue her, they discover a secret lair in an abandoned subway tunnel deep beneath the city. It is at this time that Pace and Andriotti learn that the perpetrator of these attacks is Not Of This Earth. He's an alien who "arrived here on spores" (?) and who needs to mate with virgin females in order to incubate the next generation of his parasitic race. The lone truly memorable scene in this movie occurs at this point, when the girl Pace and Andriotti have been following joins the rest of her fellow naked, mind-controlled victims in a nest-like pod and begins writhing around ecstatically in a pool of whitish goo. Ewwww! Space bukkake! Needless to say, our heroes have no intentions of letting that next generation be born, which leads to an extremely comical fight scene before the alien threat is seemingly put away for good..
All of this slow moving action is captured via some of the cheapest special effects I've seen in ages. None of the cast have much in the way of acting ability, and deliver their dialogue as if they're reading it off of cue cards being held just off screen. The "alien" looks like a guy in a black goo-encrusted motorcycle outfit (with bug eyes attached to the helmet), and the gore, while plentiful, is cheesy and unconvincing. The main selling point for this flick seems to be its large amounts of gratuitous nudity, but even that's nothing to write home about, because none of the girls who perform said nudity are much to look at. In short, Breeders is definitely sleaze, but it's not good sleaze by any means. If you're in the mood for some decent early '80s mutant-insemination action, I'd recommend 1980's Alien Contamination, 1981's Inseminoid or hell, even 1983's classic C.H.U.D. over Breeders any day of the week and twice on Sunday!
Where Are They Now?
Breeders was written and directed by Tim Kincaid, who was best known at the time for directing gay porno films (not that there's anything wrong with that...) under the aliases "Joe Gage" and "Mac Larson." In addition to Breeders, he directed a handful of other late '80s sci-fi/horror and exploitation flicks with titles like Robot Holocaust and Mutant Hunt (which was famously tagged "TOO GORY FOR THE SILVER SCREEN!" on its video box) before returning full time to the world of dude-on-dude adult films, where he apparently continues to work to this day.
According to her IMDb page, Teresa "Dr. Pace" Farley only appeared in one other film besides Breeders - 1986's Bad Girls Dormitory, which was also directed by Kincaid. Frances Raines, who played the coke-sniffing fashion model "Karinsa," had previously starred in the cult 1984 slasher The Mutilator but retired from acting shortly after starring in Breeders, with her final appearance being in Kincaid's Riot on 42nd Street. Lance "Detective Dale Andriotti" Lewman's IMDb page lists mostly bit parts in TV movies and video-game voice work after Breeders, but hey, at least he can brag about two appearances on TV's Homicide: Life on the Street on his resume. Geez, was working on a Tim Kincaid movie a career suicide mission? It sure seems that way!
The IMDb page for a 1997 film also titled Breeders bills it as a "remake" of the 1986 film, but I haven't seen it for myself so I can't say for sure. The 1997 flick was apparently shot in England with an all-Brit cast (though it's supposed to be set in the U.S.) and the plot description - a horny alien crash lands near an all girls' college and starts getting all rapey on the student body, who spend a lot of time in various states of undress - certainly sounds like it's in the same spirit as the 1986 film, anyway. With its 2.7 out of 10 rating on IMDb, the 1997 film actually has an even lower rank than the "original" 1986 Breeders, which holds a 3.4 out of 10 as of this writing. It sounds like it isn't worth the time or trouble to track either film down unless you have a severe tolerance for B-Movie pain. I think it's safe to say that If you encounter ANY movie called Breeders - no matter what year it was made in - do yourself a favor and avoid it as if it were an explosive device.
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© 2015 Keith Abt