Cinematic Hell: Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas
Believe it or not, Christmas is actually a big deal in Cinematic Hell. But we do celebrate it differently. Instead of decorating trees, wrapping presents and worshipping a man in a red suit we are forced to watch really terrible Christmas films and specials. Whether it's Johnathan Taylor Thomas' disaster "I'll Be Home for Christmas" or that god awful "Christmas with the Kranks", we are required to watch it and I had the huge displeasure of watching one of the worst Christmas movies of all time.
Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas was only realesed in 2014 and already it's being proclaimed as not only one of the worst Christmas Movies, but also one of the worst movies of all time. Currently, it sits at #2 on IMDB's Bottom 100 list and won 4 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture. It's Box Office numbers aren't that great either. Granted, the film turned a small profit grossing $2 Million dollars on a $500 Thousand dollar budget. But considering the theaters take half of that profit, I'm estimating it barely broke even. So why is this movie so reviled? Well if I have to go through this movie again... I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME!
Kirk Cameron plays... Kirk Cameron. He's at his sister's annual Christmas party and really enjoying Hot Chocolate (and I mean he's really enjoying it). Anyway, his brother in law Christian White (played by writer/director Darren Doane) is not really feeling Christmas this year. So it's up to Kirk to get Christian back into the holiday spirit. And how does he do it? By sitting in a car for an hour and telling three Bible stories. I'm not exaggerating, that's more than half of the movie right there. It really is just two guys in a car talking about how Jesus was crucified on a cross made from a Christmas tree or something (I don't know, it's stupid). And really that's the first big problem with the movie, whether you're religious or not I think we can all agree this movie is SO BORING. This film's running time is only 80 minutes and yet it feels like you've been watching this damn thing for 3 hours. And yes while we're at it, the reenactments of these Bible stories are really half assed too. It's clear the film didn't have the budget to stage a scene from Romeo and Juliet let alone a freaking Bible story.
How do I describe the acting in this movie? Well let me put it this way. It feels like every single cast member is aware of the camera at all times. That would at least explain why every time someone delivers a line, they sound like they're being controlled by aliens. Seriously everyone (including Kirk Cameron) sounds so unnatural and stilted. Yes, I know this is a really terrible script but even then that excuse can't be used here. I don't think anybody in this cast knows how reading and delivering lines actually work.
I'm not going to spend too much time talking about the religious aspects of this movie simply because it really doesn't matter what we the audience believe in. This film could talking about the FORCE religion and it would still be an incompetent piece of celluloid. While I do agree more than half the time Kirk is grasping at straws whenever he's telling these Bible stories and I agree the whole "War on Christmas" thing is bullshit, there's more to why this movie sucks aside from Christian Propaganda. Everything about this movie is 100% wrong. The acting, the writing, the directing, the framing and of course the moral is wrong. What I'm saying is, no matter what you believe in I find it hard to imagine anyone who would even enjoy this movie.
Some people enjoy this movie in the "So Bad-It's Good" way. Even one critic called it "The Room of Christmas Movies". As much as I can see why someone would enjoy the terrible acting and awful writing, I personally can't go that far. This movie is a huge chore to sit through and I never want to do it again. The moral is wrong, the acting is amateurish at best, the writing is all over the place and overall it's just an unpleasant movie. Just stay away from it, don't even check it out. I don't give out this score like candy, but I will give this movie a 0/10.