My Cat Persephone Wrote this Review on her Smartphone. It was better than Mine. .
Nope, the newest horror movie for writer/director Jordan Peele (Us, Get Out) opens on July 22cd, 2022. Some of you have had your eyes peeled for it since you first saw the onesheet last July. What will you do in the interim as (of this writing) it’s only weeks away?
Glad you asked. The only logical thing you could do while you wait and wait and wait some more is to watch more horror movies with four (4) letters in the title because that’s the only way one can prepare to see a movie like Nope.
Then again, maybe nothing can prepare you and you’re just wasting your precious f*cking time when you could be reading a book or spending some time with old people provided you don’t infect them with some disease.
But since Bryan and Linda DEMANDED it, these are four horror movies with four letters in the title. Happy now, Bryan and Linda? Is this list worth skipping?
1) Them (2006)
From France, the land that brought us Cherry Clafoutis and Catherine Deneuve, comes this 2006 home invasion movie that makes you believe that little white French kids are not to be trusted because they will break into your house and try to kill you and everyone you hold dear. Apparently this is based on a true story, which is f*cked in itself. Clementine and Lucas (Olivia Bonamy playing the girl and Michael Cohen playing the not girl) and sleeping in their not-creepy isolated country house when hooded kids begin to terrorize them. So much fun. If you like f*cked up white kids, this is your baguette. Oui!
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2) Your (1972)
This succinctly titled Sergio Martino Giallo will not win any political correctness awards nor will it win any people-keeping-their-clothes-on awards (that’s a thing). There are a series of brutal murders committed near the palatial home of D-bag writer Oliviero (Luigi Pistilli- because his name needs more I’s). Ollie likes to pass the time by humiliating his wife (Italian cinema goddess Edwige Fenech) and their black maid. What’s a little murder between married couples? As long as it’s stylish. This Italian soda of splatter doesn’t make a lot of sense, but do you watch Giallo for logic and sense? Nope.
3) Salo (1975)
This onesheet from the Criterion Collection Blu Ray cover is the only poster of this movie that could actually be shown on a public forum with getting flagged for pretty much everything. If you’ve seen this you haven’t forgotten it as it probably haunted your nightmares for days or weeks or hours or days after finally finishing it. One of the most controversial movies ever made. Four (hey!) Fascist Libertines (if you want to look up WTF those are, go right ahead) round up nine boys and nine girls and subject them to…a lot of stuff. If you’ve seen it, it’s seared into your memory. If you haven’t, don’t eat or drink about a week before you decide to watch it. Normally the trailer would be put here but since it’s so controversial it would be flagged before you ask, “What does Salo mean?” So in lieu of a trailer here is a video of bunnies.
4) Coda (2021)
A surprise winner for the Best Picture Oscar. The feel good, feel bloody movie of 2021 that had everyone singing along and tearing up to the hearing impaired family that made their money from fishing. And made their pleasure from killing. The Rossi family skillfully uses their other senses to stalk their victims and slaughter them. When their hearing daughter Ruby (Emilia Jones) decides she wants to go to college and not help their family kill anymore, a once tight knit unit struggles to overcome change. But not without some music…and murder.
In one of the most disturbing scenes, Ruby sings to a group of people before their family slays them…maybe for the last time.
Before you see Nope, be sure to see these four movies with four letters in the title and consider yourself four-tunate.
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© 2022 Noel Penaflor