Master of Public Administration. Married with 4 boys and 4 girls. Wealth of humorous, faith-filled, and fascinating experiences.
My First Comedy Profile Pic-1989
Why Did I Ever Start Doing Comedy?
Hello. My name is David Ortega. Actually my name is Dave Juan Carlos Taco Tortilla Enchilada Tostada Tostito Frito Bandito Dorito Garcia Manuel Noriega Speedy Gonzales Ortega. I'm not 100% Mexican. I'm half Italian and half Mexican. I'm a little confused. I'm the only person who tried to make a low rider out of a Ferrari.
I opened up nearly every routine with that introduction. They say that the fear of public speaking exceeds the fear of death. Jerry Seinfeld said, "This means that the person giving the eulogy at the funeral would rather be in the casket."
Many people are quick witted with an excellent sense of humor. BUT they are scared to death of being in front of a crowd. I was one of them. In my early days, I would get so nervous that I could not eat all day until my very last performance was over. No breakfast. No lunch. No supper. Too many butterflies in my stomach.
So why did I ever start? As a kid I remember trying to cheer up anyone in grade school who was down. On the playground I would seek out the person who seemed to need a lift and tell them a good joke. I had a collection of joke and riddle books. Mom thought I should check out other educational types of books from the library instead.
I imitated my teachers including the principal. Well maybe it was more mockery. Our principal used to belt out, "Are you talking in my corridors?!?!?! Cha-cha BOOM!!!" I could match the tone of her voice to the point where other students would instantly shut up and straighten out when I would imitate her in the hallways. I imitated the cough of our 6th grade teacher. Anything for a laugh.
My Italian maternal grandmother (Grandma Loffredo) was quite a character. She was full of snappy put-downs and funny insults. My uncle said she was quite the actress. She could be laughing at the beginning of a sentence and crying at the end. One time she bragged about how she is always such a clean person, gets rid of dirt and has good hygiene. When she bathes she told us she uses 3 different wash rags: One for her face, one for her arms and one for her "nature." My brother told her she didn't need 3 rags. She replied, "Wella sure you do. You tella me you gonna washa you private and thenna washa you face?!? I should say NOT!"
I would also imitate my Mexican grandmother. My father's mother, Mary, had a deep Hispanic accent. One day there was a prediction for severe storms in Iowa. She told us, "Tonight I heard we're going to have one of those, what do they call that, a TORPEDO?!" I laughed and thought, well tornado, torpedo, in either case grandma better hide in the basement.
I was funny telling these stories and jokes with friends and relatives as my audience, but was I ready for a real live audience with complete strangers? I was nervously excited to give it a try.
Comedy with Sax Riffs
As a part of doing comedy on stage, I thought I would somehow incorporate my tenor sax. I played the Muppet Show Theme Song as I walked onto stage. I do a fairly good imitation of Kermit the Frog and used a puppet of him to introduce me. In the 1990s when Bill Clinton was president, I used the sax in to imitate him. He played the sax too. And there always seemed to be a scandal that most comedians could use as fodder. When he was running for office, not only were there sex scandals he had to answer for, there was evidence that he was a marijuana smoker. He denied it saying that he didn't inhale. So to make light of that, I would place the sax in my mouth and pretend to play it. No notes would come out. Then after a moment or two of silence I would ask the audience if they heard anything. They would reply no. I said in my best southern drawl Clinton accent, "Although I put it in my mouth, I did NOT inhale!"
I also used the sax for my Pee Wee Herman imitation. I would play the song, "Tequila" taken from the bar scene in the movie, "Pee Wee's Big Adventure." Pee Wee did "break dancing" by shattering glass. The song was a way I could get audience participation because they all knew when to shout, "TEQUILA!"
My routine included a "secret word" that I would pull out of my sax case. In my best Pee Wee voice, I told them whenever they hear the secret word to scream real loud. Sometimes the secret word involved a news headline or a body part. I gave the audience opportunities to respond.
First Stage Appearance at the Funny Bone Comedy Club
Material Needs to be Fresh (and Clean)
By now you may be wondering if I have any fresh material. Afterall, the characters I imitated are now faded memories. And you are right. In order to stay fresh, read the headlines and stay topical. Jimmy Fallon knows how to do this. His opening monologue is full of news headlines as his topics. He does an excellent imitation of Donald Trump. He also pokes fun at famous actors and actresses while keeping it to a "PG" rating. There is no need to be vulgar. One of my favorite Christian comedians is Tim Hawkins.
I imitated a good number of cartoons. Scooby Doo and Shaggy are some that can remain timeless. Otherwise I rely on my life experiences and observational humor. Making fun of human behaviors, especially your own, can be hilarious. I am able to draw from my unique cultural background. I have told my audience that being part Mexican, at Thanksgiving we have a turkey stuffed with refried beans.
My wife and I have 8 children. Yes 8 children! Yes we know what causes them. No we are not Mormon. Yes we are Catholic. Yes we actually do watch TV....sometimes. Once when I was at work in a large office building downtown, a co-worker looked out the window and said, "Oh look! Isn't that cute? A daycare!" I looked out the window and said, "No. That's my wife and kids coming for a visit." You might be from a large Catholic family if....you pull up in front of a Catholic church with your 15 passenger van and a group of nuns get on thinking it is the Bingo shuttle.
My First Audience: The University of Iowa
My first public appearance was at the University of Iowa. I imitated sorority girls and my professors. It was a hit! I told audiences how I was a part of the Greek system. I rushed at "Tappa Mega Kegga." Then I partied with "I Phelta Thigh." Do you know how the Tri-Delts answer their phone? "Hello, Delta Delta Delta, Can I help ya help ya help ya?" I entertained at other smaller venues across campus until I left two years later.
When I returned to my hometown of Des Moines, Iowa, there were a growing number of comedy clubs hosting open mic nights and bringing in nationally touring comedians. The most well known was the Spaghetti Works. I developed my routine at several open mic nights. I entered comedy contests. One was held at the local Howard Johnson Hotel. I won $350 and other prizes. I was a finalist in the Funniest Man in Iowa Contest held at the FunnyBone. The winner and I competed at Penguin's Comedy Club in Cedar Rapids. I won the competition.
My greatest claim to fame was when I won the Jay Leno Comedy Challenge held at Merle Hay Mall in Des Moines. NBC was looking to send the next up and coming comedian to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I competed against 15 other amateur comedians. I won a $500 first prize and my tape was sent to the NBC studios for further consideration. I made the top twenty finalists. But I didn't quite make it to Hollywood. However my career was accelerated by the local newspaper coverage.
I Won the Jay Leno Comedy Challenge
I was a Jerry Seinfeld Look Alike
The coverage in the local paper included my winning the Jay Leno Comedy Challenge as well as when Jerry Seinfeld toured Des Moines. It boosted my local exposure. The Des Moines Register did a spread entitled, "Jerry's Kids" (above). They featured local comedians who looked like the cast from the TV show "Seinfeld." We resembled Elaine, Kramer, George and Newman. I looked like Jerry. A few of my friends thought I delivered my routine similar to Seinfeld. One of my favorite books was, "Seinlanguage."
I never did have an agent. I kept my day job which included working as a lab tech for the sewage treatment plant, another source of humor. Our motto was, "It may be cr@p to you but it is my bread and butter!"
I found paid opportunities on the side including serving as Master of Ceremonies and Feature Act at the local comedy clubs. At the time, MC's typically earned about $50-$100 per show while Feature Acts realized $300-$500 per show or more for a 30 minute routine. Headliners usually perform 45 minutes or more and earn at least $1000 per show. This varies from club to club.
Additionally, corporate parties would hire me, especially for Christmas celebrations. Most of them expect at least a 30 minute routine.
I traveled to cities within reach of Des Moines, including Omaha and Minneapolis. In Des Moines, I opened up for Drew Carey at the Funnybone. It was before he started hosting, "Whose Line is it Anyway?" He now of course hosts the TV game show, "The Price is Right."
In Omaha, I was part of a Cox Cable Comedy Hour. I also opened up for Jeff Dunham. It was early in his career. He didn't have Walter or Peanut as part of his act. He had the Jalapeno Pepper on a Stick and a couple other characters.
I traveled as far away as the Funnybone in the Dallas-Fort Worth area but I never hit the coasts, an area where you could easily make a living because of the sheer number of opportunities.
Retired from Stage Comedy but Constantly Performing
Most of my time is spent with my family. Finding time to write new material and landing performance opportunities is challenging. In the past few years, I have done a few church and private venues. I MC'd a show for amateurs at the Hotel Renovo in Urbandale. I was paid $100 and given a free stay at the hotel.
Much of what I write today comes out of the mouths of babes. Our children have made humorous comments. For example, I was changing my shirt in the presence of our son Isaac (almost 7) when he remarked, "Dad! Your belly!" Me: I know. I need to lose more weight. Isaac: Don't you go to the tread mill? Me: Almost every day. Isaac: I'd go faster.
Comedy Tips and Pointers
So do you want to try it? There are two types of comedians-those who can write and those who can perform. It takes talent and courage to be able to do both. Keep in mind that during my early days I was so scared I could not eat on the day of the performance until it was over. I discovered that comedy legend Johnny Carson got nervous every night before he went on stage for The Tonight Show, but he used his nervous energy to keep him on his toes (bereavedandblessed.com).
- Don't let anxiety stop you.
- Try your material out on friends and family.
- Find other local amateurs to bond with and develop material.
- A good quality 5 minute routine is better than 15 minutes of BS.
- Follow the pattern of setup, punch. Set your joke up and give the punchline.
- If you are given an allotted time, stick with it. Avoid fishing for laughs and milking the audience.
- Try to make a good first impression. You need to convince your audience within the first 15 seconds of taking the stage. Give them a laugh right away.
- No need to be vulgar. Keep your routine rated G. You will have a wider audience.
- About every moderately-sized city has an open mic venue. Find one and give it a try!
Irish Priest Joke by Mexican Italian
How About You?
email@example.com on July 02, 2019:
I would like to start stand up comedy