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10 Reasons Patrick Is a Terrible Friend to SpongeBob

Jeremy explores nostalgic topics when not working as a chemist or building manager at his undergrad university.

Patrick berating SpongeBob

Patrick berating SpongeBob

Patrick Star Is a Psychopath

It's hard to imagine the naively optimistic SpongeBob without his dumb yet lovable best friend, Patrick. Most fans think of them as inseparable, always getting each other into shenanigans yet never letting their antics impact a long friendship.

Yet close examination reveals a disturbing dark side to the pink starfish. Heck, according to the SpongeBob wiki, "He (Patrick) has a short temper and is prone to psychopathic tendencies if something upsets him." Usually these tendencies impact poor trusting SpongeBob, who could find far better allies—here are ten times Patrick was a terrible friend to SpongeBob!

Patrick driving his boatmobile

Patrick driving his boatmobile

10. Sabotages SpongeBob's Test and Brags About His Own Success

Episode: "Driven to Tears"

For all SpongeBob's positive traits, he just can't seem to get the hang of driving, perpetually enrolling in (and failing) Mrs. Puff's boating school. Usually he takes it in stride, but in this episode, Patrick plays a big part in why SpongeBob fails, literally eating the notes SpongeBob uses to study.

If that weren't bad enough, Patrick aces the exam after SpongeBob fails, and rather than comforting his absorbent friend, Patrick rubs it in his face, parading around in his ride and bragging about his skills. The two make up by the end of the episode, but it's still a low blow.

Patrick insulting SpongeBob

Patrick insulting SpongeBob

9. Tells SpongeBob He's Ugly

Episode: "Something Smells"

In this episode, SpongeBob eats an odorous meal that gives him terrible breath, but doesn't realize that's why people start avoiding him. Patrick, who can't smell due to lacking a nose, believes that people must be keeping their distance because of SpongeBob's ugliness.

Consider the following dialogue, where SpongeBob asks Patrick in horror "How long have I been ugly?" And Patrick responds "As long as I can remember." Humorous, sure, but harsh.

Patrick's "I'm with the Dummy" shirt

Patrick's "I'm with the Dummy" shirt

8. Publicly Humiliates SpongeBob

Episode: "I'm With Stupid"

Here, SpongeBob plans to play dumb so Patrick will look smarter in front of his parents. However, the starfish family gradually escalates their negative treatment of SpongeBob. Sponge doesn't explode, but takes Patrick aside to ask him to ease up a bit, a fair request Patrick agrees to.

But after still being treated as a dummy, SpongeBob finally snaps and leaves. And honestly, Patrick never really apologizes; the episode ends with him realizing the couple he thought were his parents were just two random (equally unintelligent) starfish.

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SpongeBob doing all the work

SpongeBob doing all the work

7. Makes SpongeBob Raise Junior Alone

Episode: "Rock-a-Bye Bivalve"

Here, SpongeBob and Patrick agree to take care of a baby scallop, Junior, together. But while SpongeBob stays home and looks after the infant, Patrick goes to "work", then simply watches tv when he gets home, neglecting his promise to give SpongeBob a break. Sponge patiently endures several days of this before finally calling out Patrick, where it's revealed that Patrick's "job" is just him watching television at his own house.

Whether or not Patrick knew he was swindling SpongeBob is debatable, but either way, here's another case where Patrick never really makes it up to his friend; their argument is interrupted by Junior almost falling out a window. This unites them to help the scallop, but conveniently prevents Patrick from apologizing or otherwise atoning.

Patrick's secret box

Patrick's secret box

6. Keeps an Embarrassing Photo of SpongeBob

Episode: "The Secret Box"

SpongeBob is normally an upstanding citizen, but even he has his questionable moments. In this episode, he breaks into Patrick's house to glimpse at a "secret box" that Patrick claims houses deep, forbidden knowledge.

Yes, that's wrong, and SpongeBob feels ashamed when Patrick (after waking up) reveals the box only contains a string, not the embarrassing Christmas-party photo SpongeBob fears. Thing is, after Sponge departs, Patrick laughs manically, revealing that pulling the string unlocks a secret compartment that does indeed contain the embarrassing picture.

I'm not saying SpongeBob acted faultlessly, but it's definitely not cool for Patrick to keep (and effectively lie about having) shameful pictures he knows his friend would want destroyed.

Patrick takes SpongeBob's comic book money

Patrick takes SpongeBob's comic book money

5. Steals $100 From SpongeBob

Episode: "Sing a Song of Patrick"

As SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at comic books, Patrick recalls writing a poem once (for gym class, of course). Nonetheless, he pilfers SpongeBob's comic money, $100, to pay the fee for mailing in his poem and having it turned into a song.

The song ends up being so terrible that the band recording it dies, the whole town mobs against the horrendous music, and SpongeBob never gets his money back.

Patrick attacks SpongeBob

Patrick attacks SpongeBob

4. Gives SpongeBob a Black Eye

Episode: "No Weenies Allowed"

Here's another instance of Patrick messing up an agreed-upon plan. For SpongeBob to enter the Salty Splatoon, he needs to look tough, so Patrick promises to throw a fight. But when Sponge starts pre-fight smack-talking and calls Patrick tubby, Patrick (not realizing it's just part of the act) punches SpongeBob.

That's wrong on so many levels. First, SpongeBob didn't do anything but follow the plan. Second, even if he was being serious, you don't assault someone and give them a black eye for one measly insult (try it in real life and tell me how prison food tastes).

Patrick's stolen donut

Patrick's stolen donut

3. Steals SpongeBob's Donut, Then Makes Him Eat a Filthy One

Episode: "The Donut of Shame"

After a party at SpongeBob's, Patrick can't recall the whole night, but takes a donut SpongeBob (still unconscious) is holding. As Patrick debates whether to eat it, SpongeBob calls and says he'll be over soon. Panicking, Patrick tries hiding the dessert in several gross areas, including his stomach (he coughs it back up), his toilet, and his pants.

Eventually, SpongeBob reveals that he had given the donut as a present, so it's okay if Patrick has it. But Patrick didn't remember that until then, so he basically still stole it. Even worse, he feeds SpongeBob half the disgusting donut—how would you react if your friend gave you a vomit-covered pastry that had been in someone's pants and toilet?

Patrick assaults SpongeBob

Patrick assaults SpongeBob

2. Tries Kidnapping SpongeBob

Episode: "Nature Pants"

In this classic episode from season 1, SpongeBob decides to abandon society and try living in the wild among the jellyfish. While his friends are naturally hesitant of this idea, most figure he'll come to his senses eventually (which he does).

Patrick is particularly upset, which could be sweet except he then tries to abduct SpongeBob, proclaiming "If I can't have you as a friend...I'm gonna make you a trophy!" He then proceeds to chase SpongeBob, who narrowly escapes life trapped in a trophy jar.

Patrick enraged

Patrick enraged

1. Goes Berserk for Not Getting a Present

Episode: "Valentine's Day"

SpongeBob gives all his friends various presents for this holiday, but Patrick's (a giant chocolate balloon) is delayed, so SpongeBob starts stalling. Patrick begins to think SpongeBob didn't get him anything, which understandably makes him upset. Not so understandably, he then goes on a rampage, destroying tons of property and antagonizing random passersby before cornering soon-to-be murder victims.

The wiki describes how close everyone came to death here, stating "as he's about to kill everyone, Sandy comes down with the chocolate balloon", which thankfully appeases SpongeBob's wrathful "friend."

Patrick Terrorizes Other Seafolk

Today we emphasized how poorly Patrick often treats SpongeBob, and he's not much nicer to the general population. For instance, he (and SpongeBob) are perfectly fine with lying about the benefits of eating chocolate to sell candy, as well as stealing panties from Betsy Krabs.

Even when Patrick intends well, he often brings disaster to those around him, like when he almost kills SpongeBob with improper treatment for the suds. No matter how you look at it, SpongeBob, a relatively kind and loyal companion, deserves far better friendship than the disgusting and violent qualities Patrick provides.

© 2021 Jeremy Gill

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