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As a kid in the 80's, I was a huge G.I. Joe fan. I can vividly remember being glued to the TV every Saturday morning to watch my favorite heroes and villains fight it out. The best part were the toys! The G.I. Joe action figures were the best thing I ever had as a kid. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had kept mine, even though they'd all be in bad shape now.
Getting to see my childhood heroes done justice on screen now that I'm an adult would be amazingly satisfying. So today, The Feels Good Podcast is announcing the opening of The Feels Good Movie Consultants. Please Hollywood, don't make another G.I. Joe movie without first consulting us.
Focus on the Core Group
I want to share some basic ideas we have for a new movie. The heroes in the picture above should be the only Joes focused on in a new movie. Casting for these main characters needs to be perfect. The movies that have been made did a horrible job of developing these characters and wasted time and effort on the wrong Joes. Make sure these guys are in the forefront of the story.
Hasbro, a toy company based in Rhode Island, marketed the first "G.I.Joe" line of military-themed dolls and action figures in 1964.
Focus on the Ninjas
The live action movies actually did an excellent job on the ninjas. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are everything and they must be focused on in a new movie. I haven't seen the latest Snake Eyes movie, Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021), for good reason. Please stop changing our beloved heroes and for the love of all that his holy leave the mask on Snake Eyes.
Focus on Dreadnoks
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The next movie should focus on Zartan and The Dreadnoks as the main baddies. Zartan is an amazing character that needs to be explored more and I would love to see the main Dreadnoks make an appearance. Maybe have Destro hire them to disrupt the Joes' plan or to cause a diversion as Cobra works in the background.
Focus on Cobra
You can't have a G.I. Joe movie without the deadly world terrorist organization, Cobra. In my opinion, the last movies did a horrible job with every member of Cobra, other than Storm Shadow and The Baroness. Cobra Commander, Destro, and Dr. Mindbender all need to be prominent members and they need to be developed properly. Throw in Xamot and Tomax and you have a winning combination. My idea would be to have them developing a plan in the first movie for world domination and have Cobra become the main baddies of the next two movies of the trilogy. I would be sure to show Destro and possibly Cobra Commander as the ones pulling all the strings in the first movie.
Focus on the Vehicles
Having played with G.I. Joes for the better part of my childhood, the best part of the toys were the vehicles. We need to see a battle between a H.I.S.S. Tank and Mobat as Rattlers and Skystrikers light up the sky. Let's not forget the coolest toy ever made—which I was lucky enough to own—the USS Flagg Aircraft Carrier!
Focus on the Story
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) and G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013) were really bad movies. As a fan, I wanted to love them with every inch of my soul. I just couldn't bring myself to love them, despite enjoying certain elements. The story and most of the characters are just bad. I'm not sure I have seen worse cartoon/comic to movie iterations in my life. Obviously, Hasbro and Paramount Pictures didn't ask my opinion, but maybe they should've. As much as I love G.I. Joe, I'd make sure it was done correctly. Again, I'm not saying we want to direct or write the movie, we just want to be consulted before it is made. I can promise you we wouldn't have let the exoskeletons ever see the light of day.
How about it? You think The Feels Good Movie Consultants could help develop better G.I. Joe movies? We would love for the shot to save a beloved franchise that deserves it time to shine. G.I. Joe has so much to offer and could easily become it's own cinematic universe. I know a lot about the franchise and knowing is half the battle.
© 2022 Chuck Spadina