Top 6 Tips to Get the Girl (From an Anime Villain's Perspective)
Villains and Romance
From stuck-up rivals to nefarious murderers, anime features a plethora of antagonists we love to hate. But despite their numerous crimes, many end up dating in the end—hey, women like the bad boys.
Whether you're single or taken, consider taking a leaf out of their books, and I guarantee* you'll soon encounter your dream partner! Spoilers for several anime ahead.
*Results may vary.
6. Have a Minion Murder Her Boyfriend, Then Marry Her
Anime: Dragon Ball Z
So, you're the leader of a nearly-extinct warrior race called Saiyans, and you're lonely. After all, every single woman of your species is dead. Luckily for you, Saiyans highly resemble humans, and you're strong enough to wipe the floor with mankind. So go invade Earth, pick out a blue-haired babe, have one of your minions kill her boyfriend, and you'll be dating within a few years!
Admittedly, Vegeta turned from villain to anti-hero by the time him and Bulma got together, but his Saibaman minion straight up murdered her boyfriend, Yamcha, as Vegeta attempted to wipe out all mankind. Hey, he had a bad day. Thankfully, death is rarely permanent in Dragon Ball, and Yamcha is soon revived, only to discover he's completely outclassed by his allies, and the guy responsible for his death is starting a family with his ex. Ouch.
5. Turn Good and Randomly Marry Her
Villain: Ken Ichijouji
Anime: Digimon Adventure 02
Ken Ichijouji developed into the ruthless Digimon Emperor after suffering family trauma, escaping reality by living in the digital world. After enslaving countless Digimon (he had a bad day too), Ken clashes with the Digi-Destined numerous times, and they ultimately defeat him. Swearing to atone for his sins, Ken joins their team, proving to be a compassionate and reliable companion.
Oh, and he apparently marries teammate Yolei. Despite being Yolei's crush, the two are never seen developing into anything more than friends, yet the epilogue reveals they wed and raised children. Moral of the story? Turn good, but invest no time in your relationship and things will work out—it's foolproof. Gals like some mystery.
4. Impale Her to Wound Your Enemy
Villain: Makoto Shishio
Anime: Ruroni Kenshin
Okay, so you're a loathsome former assassin living in 19th century Japan, and you've acquired burn scars all over your body. Let's face it—not many people will be swiping right with your looks. Thankfully, you've got a devoted girlfriend who agrees to help you conquer Japan. So devoted, in fact, that when your battle against your nemesis starts to go badly, she steps between you two, letting you impale her just to wound your adversary in a surprise attack.
Yep, Shishio stabbed right through Yumi, inflicting a mortal blow to his partner, just to damage Kenshin. Valentine's is gonna be rough, buddy. Amazingly, Yumi reveals with her last words she's not even upset, and is simply glad to have helped Shishio. Plus, the two are soon happily reunited in the afterlife, as Shishio doesn't survive the encounter.
You heard it here first, folks, the quickest way to a girl's heart is a blade right through her heart.
3. Erase Her Memory and Cut Her Lifespan in Half
Villain: Light Yagami
Anime: Death Note
Light Yagami is intelligent, handsome, and driven—what a catch! Except that he's also the mass murderer Kira, who executes criminals by writing their names in his supernatural Death Note. Light administers his form of justice while evading the police's efforts to track him down, and is aided by the lovestruck Misa, who uses her own Death Note to further Light's goals.
Light never displays any genuine form of affection for Misa, only demonstrating kindness when he needs her to do something. His plans make her lose her memory (twice), use her to murder police, and have her cut her lifespan in half (through a deal with a Shinigami, or god of death). Despite all this, Misa remains absolutely loyal to Light, continuously seeking his approval and attention.
Really, it's not a bad strategy—I'm sure many of us guys want to erase our partner's memory at times, and cutting their lifespan in two makes living in the moment all the more important. Worth it.
2. Travel Through Time to Date the Guy You Accidentally Killed
Villain: Yuno Gasai
Anime: Future Diary
Here's one for the ladies. Let's say you've just survived a brutal survival game and obtained the power of a deity, but to do so, you had to kill your boyfriend, figuring you'd just revive him once you had your power. Thing is, your godly abilities come with exclusions à la Genie from Aladdin, and you realize you can't bring back the dead. The natural solution? Travel to an alternate universe, kill the you living there, take her place, and relive your adventures with your boyfriend.
Yuno does just this, planning an eternal cycle of re-experiencing the survival game with love interest Yuki, killing him, traveling back in time, killing her alternate self, and beginning again. While her status fluctuates between hero and villain, you can't deny the endless romance of Yuno's brilliant and not-messed-up-at-all plan.
1. Try to Kill Her
Villain: Sasuke Uchiha
Look, why beat around the bush? Just show that pink-haired girl (no way is that natural) how you really feel, like cold-hearted rival Sasuke from Naruto. After lovesick Sakura falls for her aloof teammate, circumstances set him on a mission of revenge and hatred, and Sasuke leaves his friends behind.
Naruto and Sakura resolve to bring him back to his senses. After several heartfelt talks, Sakura manages to get Sasuke to, uh, try to kill her. Evidently some girls like the direct approach, as Sasuke ends up wedding Sakura and having a daughter together. All true love begins with attempted murder, right?
Which is your favorite couple?
There you have it: six cases of love involving anime villains. Study their suave techniques (I'm partial to the impaling, myself), vote for your favorite pairing, and you'll master your game in no time!
Seriously though, don't hurt anyone. Love will involve enough of that on its own.
Questions & Answers
© 2017 Jeremy Gill