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Best "Simpsons" Quotes Seasons 1-5

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Mr. Cheese (Nick Ortman) is a Graduate of Columbia University's MFA program. He's a drummer and frequently writes about the music industry.

Read the best "Simpsons" lines from seasons 1-5.

Read the best "Simpsons" lines from seasons 1-5.

The Simpsons: Best American Sitcom

With over 639 episodes, The Simpsons is the longest running TV sitcom. The show's irreverent comedy style, put forth from seasons one through five, paved the way for future TV shows. The Simpsons' ability to satirize American (and pretty much every other country's) culture made them the break out show of the '90s and changed what was seen as "acceptable" on TV sitcoms. Here are some of the best lines from the first five seasons from America's most influential show.

Best Simpsons Quotes Season 1


"There’s only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain’t Santa."


"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

"Nonsense, Marge. Frosty Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today. It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart."


"Bart the Genius"

"What’s the matter, sir? Never have I seen you looking so unhappy when purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream."


"Krusty Gets Busted"

"The way I see it, if you raised three children who can knock out and hog tie a perfect stranger you must be doing something right."


"Some Enchanted Evening"

"I plead guilty, your honor! {his shocked lawyer whispers in his ear} I mean not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor."


"Krusty Gets Busted"

The Simpsons Season 1

Year: December 17, 1989 – May 13, 1990

Showrunner: Matt Groening, James L. Brooks, and Sam Simon.

Brief Summary of the Season:

  • The series was originally set to debut in autumn 1989 with the episode "Some Enchanted Evening".
  • This was meant to introduce the main characters.
  • During the first screening of the episode, the producers discovered that the animation was so bad that 70% of the episode needed to be redone.
  • The producers considered dumping the series if the next episode turned out as bad.
  • The producers convinced Fox to move the debut to December 17, and aired "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" as the first episode of the series.
  • The first season won one Emmy Award, and received four additional nominations.

What Makes These Quotes Great?

  • Established a new kind of dark humor on America tv.
  • Previously taboo subjects, such as psychiatry, were openly criticized through humor.
  • Projected a sense of anti-authoritarianism that was much needed in the late '80s.

The Show's Evolution in Season 1:

Season one is not typically regarded as being a revelatory season. However, in retrospect, no one had seen anything quite like it and general audiences were shocked. In an era where uptight families (who always had 100K more than the average American) dominated tv sets, the Simpsons were emotionally disturbed, each in their own ways. While, at first, this scared uptight viewers and some critics, the show caught on precisely because it illustrated average white people struggling to raise their kids in a healthy way. Gone were the days of white collar tv problems, such as chewing gum in class. The Simpsons showed us white kids shoplifting, bullying each other, smoking cigs, and fighting with their parents and siblings. You know, real life.

Best Simpsons Quotes Season 2


"Ironic, isn't it Smithers. This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you!"

Mr. Burns

"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"

"Look, there's only one thing worse than being a loser. It's being one of those guys that sits in a bar, telling the story of how he became a loser, and I never want that to happen to me."


"Dancin' Homer"

"Hey, hey! Settle down boys and girls, or Krusty will have to bring out his old friend, Corporal Punishment again."


"Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"

"Wait one sec. Let me check. Uh, Homer Sexual? Uh, come on. Come on. One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual."


"Principal Charming"

"What? That's what we learned about. I sure as hell can't say we learned about hell unless I can say hell, now can I?"


"Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"

The Simpsons Season 2

Year: October 11, 1990 – July 11, 1991

Showrunner: James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Sam Simon

Brief Summary of the Season:

  • The Simpsons' second season originally aired on the Fox network between October 11, 1990 and May 9, 1991.
  • It contained 22 episodes, beginning with "Bart Gets an "F"".
  • The episode "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment" won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Animated Program (for Programming Less Than One Hour), and was also nominated in the "Outstanding Sound Mixing for a Comedy Series or a Special" category.

What Makes These Quotes Great?

  • Season began to criticize the media more.
  • Things got darker as Homer's alcoholism was satirized.
  • Focused on issues of death and hypocrisy. These were topics that many comedies avoided.

The Show's Evolution in Season 2:

The season saw the introduction of several new recurring characters, including Mayor Quimby, Kang and Kodos, Maude Flanders, Bill and Marty, Dr. Hibbert, Roger Meyers, Jr., Sideshow Mel, Lionel Hutz, Dr. Nick Riviera, Blue Haired Lawyer,Rainier Wolfcastle, Troy McClure, Groundskeeper Willie, Hans Moleman, Professor Frink, and Comic Book Guy. As the cast of characters became more diverse, the show grew in popularity and more and more people could relate to the characters and their experiences.

Best Simpsons Quotes Season 3


"Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!"

Lionel Hutz

"Bart the Murderer"

"Oh, meltdown. It's one of these annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus."

Mr. Burns

"Homer Defined"

"You know, Marge, that Bart is a little miracle – his winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief. He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit."


"Saturdays of Thunder"

"Attention workers, we have completed our evaluation of the plant. We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order... Simpson, Homer. That is all."


"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"

"So, it seems we've all been victims of a cruel hoax, masterminded by a 10-year old hooligan. The time has come for finger-pointing, and most of them are squarely aimed at the boy's parents."

Kent Brockman

"Radio Bart"

"You've got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money."


"Separate Vocations"

Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers: if I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say? Smithers: [pause] If you did it, Sir?

Mr. Burns & Smithers

"Dog of Death"

"I can't get your song out of my mind. I haven't felt this way since 'Funkytown!'"


"Colonel Homer"

"It's not our fault! We didn't want the boy, he was an accident!"


"Radio Bart"

Homer: I own stock! Stockbroker: Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain constitutional rights.

Homer & Stockbroker

"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"

The Simpsons Season 3

Year: September 19, 1991 – August 27, 1992

Show runner: Al Jean and Mike Reiss

Brief Summary of the Season:

The Simpsons' third season originally aired between September 19, 1991 and August 27, 1992. The showrunners for the third production season were Al Jean and Mike Reiss. Season three won six Primetime Emmy Awards for "Outstanding Voice-Over Performance" and also received a nomination for "Outstanding Animated Program" for the episode "Radio Bart."

What Makes These Quotes Great?

  • A larger cast of characters led to more inside jokes.
  • More nonsense and absurdity was introduced into the plotlines.

The Show's Evolution in Season 3:

Season three saw the introduction of more movie and literary references. Whether they were imitating Hitchcock films, or Tennessee Williams plays, The Simpsons was becoming a smarter show. While the episodes remained family oriented, the show was going deeper into the history of American media, creating some of the best satire ever written for television.

Best Simpsons Quotes Season 4

Quote CharacterEpisode

"Not quite. [pulls out a large drum of gruel with Krusty's face on the front] This is Krusty-Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference."


"Kamp Krusty"

But it does seem the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out the pageant application incorrectly. In the area under 'Do not write in this space,' he wrote 'Okay.'"

Kent Brockman

"Lisa the Beauty Queen"

Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders! Homer: [quizzically] He was a zombie?

Bart & Homer

"Treehouse of Horror 3"

"A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet... goes on."

Leonard Nimoy

"Marge vs. the Monorail"

Homer: [angrily] You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops! Wiggum: [alarmed] They are? Oh no! Have they set a date?

Homer & Wiggum

"I Love Lisa"

Dolph: Yo, Mr. Black. Another brandy. Mr. Black: Gentlemen, to evil!

Dolph & Mr. Black

"Kamp Krusty"

"Hello. I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such instructional videos as 'Mothballing Your Battleship' and 'Dig Your Own Grave and Save!'"

Troy McClure

"Marge Gets a Job"

"Mr. Simpson, this the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Never-Ending Story."

Lionel Hutz

"New Kid on the Block"

"Hello Lisa! I’m Genghis Khan. You’ll go where I go. Defile what I defile. Eat who I eat!"

Virtual Genghis Khan

"Marge vs. the Monorail"

Technician 2: No such luck. It’s solar power. Technician 1: Solar power. When will people learn.

Technician 2 & Technician 1

"Marge vs. the Monorail"

The Simpsons Season 4

Year: September 24, 1992 – May 13, 1993

Showrunner: Al Jean and Mike Reiss.

Brief Summary of the Season:

The Simpsons' fourth season aired from September 24, 1992 to May 13, 1993. The showrunners for the fourth production season were Al Jean and Mike Reiss. Following the end of the production of the season, Jean, Reiss, and most of the original writing staff left the show. The season was nominated for two Primetime Emmy Awards and Dan Castellaneta would win one for his performance as Homer in "Mr. Plow". Fans generally consider the fourth season to be the best. That said, the long hours and manic work environment caused many writers to burnout and leave.

What Makes These Quotes Great?

  • Introduction of more surreal humor.
  • Lionel Hutz is one of the best characters ever.
  • Some of the show's more absurd jokes to date.

The Show's Evolution in Season 4:

Season four contains some of the show's zaniest episodes. Conan O'Brien's insane, manic plots pushed the show into new territories. The level of absurdity was upped and the writers were freer to write surreal humor. The episodes were so compactly written, and the camera work was so precise, that every episode was like watching a movie.

Best Simpsons Quotes Season 5


Bart: Take 'im away, boys. Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake 'im away, toys.

Bart & Sideshow Bob

"Cape Feare"

Mr. Burns: You [Homer] must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon. Smithers: Actually sir we found the Jade Monkey; it was in your glove compartment. Mr. Burns: And the road maps and ice scraper? Smithers: They were in there too sir. Mr. Burns: Excellent, it's all falling into place.

Homer, Smither, and Burns

"Homer Goes to College"

"Mmmm... 64 slices of American cheese. [sits at the table and begins eating one at a time] 64...63...[Time passes to morning] 2...1."



"Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, when I couldn't help but overhear you are in need of a babysitter. Now, as a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour."

Lionel Hutz

"Marge on the Lam"

"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws."


"$pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"

"Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?"

Kent Brockman

"Homer the Vigilante"

"Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."


"Homer and Apu"

"Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season! And remember: a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. [Smithers whispers to him] Hmm?... What?... Oh, and by that I mean, of course, it's time for the 'Worker of the Week Award.'"

Mr. Burns

"Deep Space Homer"

"Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because... I crippled him myself to inspire you."

Mr. Burns

"Homer Loves Flanders"

The Simpsons Season 5

Year: September 30, 1993 – May 19, 1994

Showrunner: David Mirkin

Brief Summary of the Season:

The Simpsons' fifth season originally aired between September 30, 1993 and May 19, 1994. The showrunner for the fifth production season was David Mirkin. The season contains some of the series' most acclaimed episodes, including "Cape Feare" and "Rosebud". The season was nominated for two Primetime Emmy Awards and won an Annie Award for Best Animated Television Program as well as an Environmental Media Award and a Genesis Award. Fans generally think that season five is The Simpsons second best season.

What Makes These Quotes Great?

  • The show became more progressive.
  • The show began to take more shots at countries outside the U.S.
  • The show insulted government institutions even more.

The Show's Evolution in Season 5:

David Mirkin brought the darkest humor to the show to date. His pessimistic view of human institutions was, obviously, not loved by all. However, his "screw you" attitude towards authority perfectly encapsulated the feelings of generation X.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.